Crimson glow over a gray strip leading to decimated air base in distance. ’42 Plymouth putters into view over liquid asphalt, shutters to a stop in front of Mirage. A huge, crystal, chrome eatery, circa 3050. RIF, lanky, confident, in Army field jacket, jumps out. Sights target with M1.

RIF

I may be the last human standing but I’m going home.

EXT. MOJAVE – DAY

Sun broils the solitary road. Sticker-covered VW bug—smiley faces, rainbows, happy quotes—rolls into view. Stops in front of a sanctuary of AC, bottomless iced tea, gossip. FREAK pushes out, stretches full 7 feet, a tattered, bloodied smock rides up over his scars. Aims AK-47.

FREAK

Have a nice day.

EXT. MOJAVE – DAY

Sun sparkles. Hot but stupid car for a P.I. maneuvers the pitted road. Pulls in front of ghost town’s 2-fer hotdog pit stop. RYAN unfolds his tall frame from car. His Hugo Boss trench flaps in the wind revealing a Smith & Wesson. He slides it out, tips back his Bogart hat and gloats.

RYAN

Saving your ass again, Darling.

1.
EXT. HIGH DESERT – 1800s – DAY

The sun beats down. A stagecoach speeds down the road, kicking up dust, and stops in front of a saloon. A tall gentleman wearing a waistcoat that doesn’t fit him at all stumbles out and throws up. He draws a phaser.

Tall Man
I’m going to kill that time-travelling sonuvabitch.

2.
EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

A murder of crows interrupts the harsh sunlight as a motorcycle zooms into the ghost town, stopping in front of an abandoned restaurant with shot-out windows. A tall, gaunt man dismounts, trenchcoat swinging, and draws a revolver. He checks that the chamber is loaded with silver bullets.

TALL MAN
There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold….

3.
EXT. SMALL DESERT TOWN – DAY
Not a single cloud in the sky. A boxy Volvo sedan drives up to a 50′s style diner. A gangly young man falls out of the passenger seat and almost trips on his long coat. He gingerly draws a gun.

YOUNG MAN
(knitting his eyebrows)
Um. I did tell you I wasn’t kinky, right?

The sun beats heat-shimmers across the desert. A battered stationwagon comes down the road and stops in front of a diner. A weedy looking man with thick glasses gets out, a gun held nervously in his hand. This is NORM. The diner door swings open and another man walks out, whistling confidently as tosses up the keys to his sports car. He is uncannily identical to the Norm, who, with shaky hand, raises the gun towards him. The other man, NORM2, spots him and stops. His keys fall to the floor uncaught.

NORM
I won’t… I can’t let you…

EXT. THE DESRT – DAY

The sun is just breaking the horizon. A tank rumbles down a desert track and stops by the burnt out remains of what might once have been a diner. A tall man in a trenchcoat opens a hatch on the gun turret. He surveys the scene calmly, holding a walkie-talkie in his hand. From the darkness of the desert a deep, insectoid susurration swells in volume as it moves towards the tank. The man mutters into his radio

MAN
Ready boys?

and the turret swivels to face the noise.

EXT. THE DESRT – DAY

The sun shines over a vast, hot desert. A lonely diner stands beside a road stretching featureless into the horizon. A man and woman, pushing a shaded buggy walk slowly down the centre of the road. As they reach the diner the man pulls a gun, give the woman a quick kiss and moves carefully forwards to check it out.

MAN
Keep her back

The sun casts a ray of light in the dusty sky as a Transport Tank hovers to a stop in front of a restaurant. A crisply dressed man drops out of the vehicle followed by an army of agents. He pulls out his gun and scans the area with his visor’s interface.

MAN
We got him, he’s in there.

EXT. Desert – day

The Sun seeps through the muddy sky. A JEEP putters to a stop in front of a tavern as a HAGGARD man drops out of the driver’s seat, tripping over his torn overcoat. He draws out his M-9 and looks to the sky as a figure descends upon him.

MAN
Shit.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

The shines shines a warm glow as a Ford Pick-up skids to a stop in front of the local diner. A man in a leather jacket climbs out of the Ford and zeros in on a COUPLE. He slings out his double barrel shotgun and cocks it back.

Man
Son, my daughter ain’t goin’ out with you without some protection.

Thanks for giving us this opportunity!

Ext. Desert – Day

A dying sun wearily shines above the scarlet landscape.

A starship lands near the charred remains of a military outpost. A TALL GAUNT MAN scurries out, laser gun drawn and a long anti-radiation coat on his shoulders.

TALL GAUNT MAN
(Into his headset radio)
It’s pretty quiet up here. Send me Tetra 21, we ain’t got much time!

Ext. Desert – Day

A blasting sun. An old rusty RV parks near a taco stand. A TALL HANDSOME MAN staggers out, riffle in hand. Naked, except for his long yellow raincoat, he looks at the dazed MEXICAN BOY behind the stand and turns to the RV.

HANDSOME MAN
We’re good to go, babe! Bell’s on the loose, sweetie, Bell’s on the loose.

Ext. Desert – Day

The sweltering sun blinds an old diner, right of the highway. A black Mustang veers of the road. A GIANT MAN peels out of the car, pistol in hand, wearing an old duster. A deathly figure untangles from the other side and glances at his partner.

GIANT
Come on, Bobby, we’ve got work to do!

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun casts its golden rays on the dusty grounds surrounding the old horse coral. Hay stacks lie strewn about. A tall man wearing dark overalls rises from behind a wooden barrel. He lowers his paintball gun and moves away from his shelter.

TALL MAN

Come on honey, it’s only fun when you shoot the bloody thing!

——————-

High noon on the Martian desert. Dust spirals upward and closer from the tracks of a robotic humanoid. Upon entering the proximity of a geodesic dome, a laser portal deactivates. A man in a chef hat stoops to clear the opening, leading his way a weapon resembling a vacuum wand.

CHEF
You’re no robot.

Deep afternoon in the Mojave. A nondescript sedan pulls besides a shack of splintered wood, sun bleached hamburger, cola signs. Walking from the sedan a man’s coat casts a lengthy shadow, he faces the shack and urinates. Another shadow crosses his own. He spirals around weenie and gun exposed.

DESERT MAN
Jesus, oh Jesus.

Sunset in the Negrev. IDF soliders step from a restaurant, mounting their jeeps as a luxury vehicle approaches. Distant enough to be of no concern, until a young woman steps out in chaotic outfit of IDF garb wrapped in a full length leather coat. Laughing, she points an automatic rifle at the sergeant of the group.

YOUNG WOMAN
You loved me, now you’re going to kill me.

Ext. The Desert – Day

The noon day sun beats down on a wild-eyed, buck toothed Prairie Dog that basks on the pavement of the abandoned road. A sleek black spaceship hurtles toward the dog at an impossible speed, slamming into the ground in front of him and coming to rest against a billboard which features a smiling Stallone advertising “Planet Hollywood 50 miles”. The dog races behind the billboard as the ship hatch bursts open and steam escapes the hull. ZENTAR, a TALL GREEN BLOBISH ALIEN stumbles out desperately clutching his plasma gun. He reads the billboard with an expression of disgust.

ZENTAR
PLANET HOLLYWOOD? This planet is not listed in interstellar mapping systems. The damn nav system never works!

(Points gun at the shivering dog.)

You there! Give me directions to Earth.

ROM-COM

Ext. The Desert – Day

Sweating heavily from the MIDDAY SUN, BUBBA coasts his beat-up 57 Chevy through the desert town while beside him MACKENZIE furiously wipes at the crusty door handle with her disinfectant wipe. As they spot the Mafiosi’s sports car parked in front of simple restaurant they grind to a stop. MacKenzie opens the latches on her silver case and pulls out a large handgun, quickly fastening a silencer which doubles it’s already impressive length. Bubba reaches into his beer cooler and under some crushed Bud Light cans he pulls out a small snub nosed gun. MacKenzie smirks at Bubba’s tiny equipment.

Bubba
Uhhhh …. It musta gotten cold in the cooler.

HORROR

Ext. The Desert – Day
With the sun now hidden by the multiplying storm clouds, the mass of snarling beasts quickly surround the car, menacingly nuzzling it with their massive heads. A Tall Man steps out of the car and pulls out a meat cleaver. The creatures heel to their master.

TALL MAN
.(to his pets)
Find the girl and feast upon her. But leave her heart for me.

The sun explodes. An escaping space pod crashes onto the hardtop in front of one of the Kuhl-Pits built to feed the survivors. A TALL MAN wearing a Sun-Off® coat gets out, with the Beatles ‘Here Comes the Sun’ blaring from the pod. He draws a gun.

TALL MAN
Where is the man with the factor 3,000,000?

(First time here and happy about it!)
Ext. The Desert – Day

The sun is like a torn eye, dripping yellow. A big black sedan coughs its last in front of a dust covered diner in the middle of nowhere. A TALL MAN wearing a good coat meant for a colder place gets out, wiping blood from his face. He draws a gun, checks the chamber and tosses the useless weapon aside.

TALL MAN
(trembling)

The creatures will find me here.

Ext. The Desert – Day

The sun smiled on the desert flowers after rain. A battered blue jeep slewed to a stop in front of the Empire State restaurant. A TALL MAN wearing a light raincoat got out. He pulled out a gun shaped lighter and tossed it back into the car.

TALL MAN
(shaking head and smiling)

I’ll even give up smoking for her

Flickering sun, HOWLING dust storm. A tractor-trailer, huge canvassed cargo, stops. A TALL MAN wearing a desert camo coat gets out. Wind RIPS the canvas, revealing an ALIEN SPACECRAFT. He points a gun at GAS ATTENDANT.

TALL MAN
Fill it up and keep your eyes where they belong.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

Red sun shines through clay dust. A WOMAN runs for her life. A black sedan knocks her down as it slams to a stop in front of a restaurant. A TALL ALBINO MAN wearing a trench coat made of HUMAN SCALPS gets out, draws a NAIL GUN.

TALL ALBINO MAN
Hubby’s waiting for you in the trunk.

EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – THE GRAND CANYON CAFE – DAY

The sun twinkles off a carpet of spring wildflowers. A tour bus filled with confused TOURISTS stops in front of the café. A TALL FRAZZLED MAN wearing a coat that reads “Tim’s Rim Tours” gets out. He draws a CAP GUN.

TALL FRAZZLED MAN
(shouting)
Come back, Flo, or I’m gonna cap myself right here!

Ext. The Desert – Day

The twin suns cast exotic shadows. With a howl of engine noise, a wheel-less, hovering car crashes upside down and with a trail of sparks comes to rest by a 1950s style diner. A tall man in a dark crimson coat crawls out from wreck. He draws a modified 1851 Colt Navy revolver.

Tall Man
This is so not going to be worth it

Ext. The Desert – Day

The sun smiles on a lonely little restaurant. A rickshaw makes it way down the stretch of road and stops in front of it. A tall man climbs off the bike and takes of his dust covered coat to reveal a light blue tuxedo underneath. From his inside pocket he pulls out a small Nerf gun.

Tall Man
If this doesn’t impress her…

Ext. The Desert – Day

The sun scorches the cracked paint on the tiny eatery. A rust drenched Buick comes to an end in front of it. A tall man in a black linen coat steps out of the car, in his grip a shotgun with welded on steel pipe bayonet. From the rear-view mirror hangs a locket with a picture of a young girl.

Tall Man
My sweet Lily sends her regards

When the sun is up you don’t go outside. A small group of people seek refuge in a baron roadhouse, slithers of sun rays manage to get though the broken exterior. A vehicle puts on the skids and pulls up outside. A TALL MAN bolts in and pulls an automatic from beneath his coat.

TALL MAN
(Whispers)
“They’re coming”

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The human race has been re-located to Mars, a desert planet now surrounded by eternal sunshine. A hovercraft pulls up outside the ‘Laser Bean Café’. A MAN steps out and reaches into his internal cooling coat, exposing his holstered gun, and pulls out a 20…

MAN
“I’ll have a tall mocha chino with extra marshin-mellows please”

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

On a dry and hot sunny day, TALL BULLY couldn’t help but notice the young gun dining in Daisy’s greener pastures. TALL BULLY charged to the fence line, his wiry coat sporadically flying off, spraying dust in the air as he halted.

TALL BULLY
“Oi Taurus (94 revolver)! You cutting my grass?”

EXT. MARTIAN DESERT – MIDDAY

Heat swelters off a desolate restaurant parking lot. A gangling man with bug eyes, leaps from his hover craft. Twin lasers poke through his dusty coat. He storms inside.

MAN
Where’s the girl–

EXT. CALIFORNIA DESERT – LATE AFTERNOON

Sunlight ricochets off a roadside eatery. A Blinged out SUV slams to a gravely stop. A giant man rolls out. Guns drawn under his torn coat. He blows through the front doors.

GIANT
Where’s the girl–

EXT. LOW DESERT – DAY

Bright Sun bounces off a twenty-four hour diner. A sporty convertible coasts to a stop. A man’s head towers above the open windshield. He fumbles for a gun inside his coat.

MAN
(rehearsing to himself)
Where’s the girl–

EXT. DESERT –DAY

The suns shine. A trans-dimension cargo jumper materializes in front of the Martian specialties restaurant. A tall man wearing a coat climbs out. He draws a gun as the Dreevil slouching by the front door wraps a tentacle around a blaster and points it at him. The Dreevil makes an incomprehensible squeaking noise. But the man speaks its language.
MAN
How does it feel to be dead? You tell me.

He blasts the Dreevil into segmented pulp, steps over the mess and walks inside

HORROR

The full moon shines. A battered jeep rolls up to a deserted restaurant and sputters to a halt. A tall man wearing a long coat gets out. He draw a gun. The bouncer in front of the dangling, bullet riddled doorway grins at him and transforms into a massive wolf. It leaps at the man, who makes no attempt to save himself. He knows better.

MAN
Damn. I forgot the silver bullets.

ROMCOM

MAN
Honey, I know you’re in there, and I know
you’re … a little upset right now. But I have
gun, too, so let’s just stay calm. We kissed but
that was all.
A shot duigs up the sand by his feet.
MAN(Cont’d)
Okay, we sis some stuff but, we didn’t go all the
way.
Another shot, closer this time. He steps back.
MAN(con’t)
Okay. We did it, but I didn’t come. That
Has to mean something doesn’t it?
Another shot. This one wings his shoe.

MAN
Okay,okay, fine – I came, but it was against
my will. She knew all this kegel stuff, and –
This shot hits him in the heart. He falls, dropping the gun.

MAN(Cont’)
Too much information …

The setting blue sun cools down the jagged desert planet as a hovering truck comes to squealing stop. A TALL MAN quietly bounds out of the truck and approaches the STAR N’ STAY STATION in stealth mode. Hidden in his jacket, he pulls out a laser gun, ready for action.

TALL MAN
(Hears screeches inside)
Damn beasts will be the end of me today.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

The red-orange sun blazes like the TALL MAN has never seen before. His old, rusted out Toyota looks surprisingly new to him – everything has changed since he met her. The daily grind at Quinton’s feels like a new job – one he even enjoys. The TALL MAN pulls out a nickel-plated pistol.

TALL MAN
She wanted excitement. This will blow her socks off!

EXT. DESERT – DAY

The sun quivers over the heat of the day. The sleek black Mercedes is cold as ice as the TALL MAN clambers out of the luxury car. Compared to the car, the man shouldn’t be the one here in front of the All Meat Market. Quickly, he throws his .45 into the back seat and removes two blue buckets dripping with sticky blood.

TALL MAN
(off the looks of other customers)
I sell the body parts in buckets.
_________________________________________________

Fun challenge! And, I enjoyed reading all the other posts.

Thanks!
Laci

The Rising Sun backdrops a desolate floor littered with
disfigured body’s. A SAMURAI leaps from the dining carriage
of a moving train into a hyper-slow-motion spin. A sword
whips from his kimono as he lands.

SAMURAI
Yaaaaaaaaa chaaaaaaaaa!

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

From where the sun don’t shine, a space probe enters the rear
passage to Uranus Donut King. A probe MEMBER exits the craft
wearing a rain coat. He pulls out his weapon and bangs hard
at the back door.

MEMBER
Pardon the pun.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

A full figure woman steps out of the Cafe olé walking the
long hot stretch of bitumen that divides the desert sands. A
MAN drives along side her in a mustang soft top. He pulls a
flower from his jacket.

MAN
Come on, I said roundy, not fat.

Its midday. The fan tinkers like a woodpecker on LSD but it’s the best the diner has to offer. An orange 1974 Charger suddenly penetrates the humble architecture. A bloodied MAN, shredded pants and a coat with ripped sleeves opens the driver’s door and drapes out of the car…

MAN
(dying breath)
“Don’t open the trunk”

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

Las Vegas. The sun is shining but you wouldn’t know it through the thick coat of smog. A dark SUV pulls up outside the Hard Rock Café. A TALL MAN steps out, met by an attack. As the last tentacled fiend is blasted , spraying gooberish ooze on patrons already dining he walks in…

TALL MAN
“What’s on the lunch special”

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

SHE lays in the daylight, wearing nothing but the chocolate sauce he was going to dine on. He enters the room and removes his coat and pants, revealing his ‘big’ gun. They hear a car pull up outside. A tall man approaches the front door.

SHE
“S*#T! It’s my husband”

The Rising Sun backdrops a desolate floor littered with
disfigured body’s. A SAMURAI leaps from the dining carriage
of a moving train into a hyper-slow-motion spin. A sword
whips from his kimono as he lands.

SAMURAI
Yaaaaaaaaa chaaaaaaaaa!

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

From where the sun don’t shine, a space probe enters the rear
passage to Uranus Donut King. A probe MEMBER exits the craft
wearing a rain coat. He pulls out his weapon and bangs hard
at the back door.

MEMBER
Pardon the pun.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

A full figured woman steps out of the Cafe olé walking the
long hot stretch of bitumen that divides the desert sands. A
MAN drives along side her in a mustang soft top. He pulls a
flower from his jacket.

MAN
Come on, I said roundy, not fat.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun shines. A Bakku invasion craft stops among several others parked outside a laser scorched bar. A tall man, cradles his atomic shotgun and coolly exits the craft. He stares down two armed Bakku -insect humanoids.

BUCK
Let’s just see who’s gonna exterminate who.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun shines. A tall zombie dines on a severed human arm as he parks his hearse before a derelict supermarket. He exits the hearse, opens the back door, and then acknowledges a second zombie who wears a blood-soaked butcher’s apron and stands on the supermarket steps.

TALL ZOMBIE
I ordered three live ones.

EXT. DESERT – DAY
A tall, nervous, decaying, male corpse slows his Mini-Cooper to a lurching, chugging stall. He views a dozen red roses on the passenger seat, then nervously looks outside to a bashful decaying female corpse, waiting for him. She smiles.

TALL MALE CORPSE
Two years in the grave and I’m still too nervous to go out
on a date.

Okay, a Tim Burton Romantic comedy.

FOUR BLACK 4WDs roll to a rippling halt on the vast mirror of brine. ALVARES, dressed in a BLACK SHEEPSKIN TRENCHCOAT, steps out into the UNCANNY SILENCE. He points his OTO MELARA ULTRA into the sky and then at his reflection amidst the clouds. TINTED GLASS WINDOWS on all vehicles roll down in unison, and similarly clothed hands toss out the leavings of a hastily eaten lunch.

The gunshot rends the water and air.

ALVARES
Gentlemen, 20° 8′ 1.59″ South, 67° 29′ 20.88″ West will be our High Noon: the Tlonian satellites will naturally calibrate their altitudes directly over this spot–the flattest place on earth.

EXT. UYUNI SALT FLAT – DAY

The battered SHAKEY’S PIZZA 4WD rolls to a rippling halt on a vast mirror of brine. BORGES, his STRAIGHT JACKET untied, steps out into the UNCANNY SILENCE. Slowly he draws one of his former tormentor’s PISTOL, and despite his empty eye sockets, points it deliberately at the FOURTH WALL.

BORGES
(cocking the pistol)
Out here, even a blind man can send YOU back to hell!

EXT. UYUNI SALT FLAT – DAY

A stillness portending nothingness surrounds the CADILLAC ESCALADE doubled in the vast mirror of the most romantic place he could think of to win her back. The UNCANNY SILENCE is shattered by a bullet that blasts the neck off a Dom Perignon bottle sitting on the picnic table. The whole bottle EXPLODES in a spray of fizz over the uneaten romantic dinner-for-two from the night before.

JUAN, day-growth-bread bedraggled, momentarily holsters his .38 in his Hello Kitty holster under his rented TUXEDO JACKET. But the bed-wetting realization that one shot more would be needed to get over JUDY takes hold of him.

He unholsters his weapon and places the tip of the barrel under his chin.

JUAN
(cocking the pistol)
BITCH!

The sun shines. A Bakku invasion craft stops among several others parked outside a laser scorched bar. A tall man cradles his atomic shotgun and coolly exits the craft. He stares down two armed Bakku -insect humanoids.

BUCK
Let’s just see who’s gonna exterminate who.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun shines. A tall zombie dines on a severed human arm while he parks his hearse before a derelict supermarket. He exits the hearse, opens the back door, and acknowledges a second zombie in a blood soaked butcher’s apron.

TALL ZOMBIE
I ordered three live ones.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

A tall, nervous, decaying, male corpse slows his Mini-Cooper to a lurching, chugging stall. He views a dozen red roses on the passenger seat, then nervously looks outside to a bashful decaying female corpse, waiting for him. She smiles.

TALL MALE CORPSE
Two years in the grave and I’m still too nervous to go out
on a date.

Okay, a Tim Burton Romantic comedy.

The sun glares off the endless snow fields. A stasis pod falls from the sky. It bounces to a halt outside the restaurant. An ALIEN climbs out instantly morphing into a tall man in a trench coat. He draws a gun, looks down at his form.

ALIEN
Oh Jesus! Human!

——————-

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun beats down on a burnt, ravaged WOMAN crawling with her last ounce of energy. A 4×4 approaches, stops in front of her. A TALL MAN wearing a coat gets out. He draws a gun, points it at the woman.

TALL MAN
Nah, I prefer them live.

His jaw opens impossibly wide.

——————-

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun shines. An army truck bounces over the dunes, it stops outside the mess tent. A tall man wearing a coat, FRANCOIS, gets out clutching a rifle, puts the safety on. He walks across to RALPH, leaning against the tent. They hug.

FRANCOIS
Come on, I’ve booked at table.

——————
That was a really interesting challenge. Thanks.

Two suns cast double shadows from a towering “Cantina” sign. A Landspeeder hovers in, out of nowhere, halting abruptly. A TALL MAN hops out of the craft, with caution, wrapped in a dusty toga. He rests his hand on a holstered blaster gun.

TALL MAN
(bewildered)
Deja vu. This seems so damn familiar…

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The scalding sun warms a lizard, who rests on a chalky human skull. A dented muscle-car GROWLS up, in front of a vacant restaurant, hastily signed over as “Tattoo Parlor.” A TALL MAN exits, burly, in a trenchcoat. He carries a tattoo-gun.

TALL MAN
(to skull)
Mornin’, buddy, sorry I’m a little late on the rent!

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun glints off a pink “Mary Kay” Cadillac, as it glides to a stop, in front of an out of place French bistro. The driver, a TALL MAN — well groomed and coiffed, haute couture jacket — gabs on his cell. He toys with an unspecified plastic gun.

TALL MAN
(perplexed)
It’s what?? A pimple gun?? Yechhhh!!

The sun stings our eyes. A white van with government plates races down the road and screeches to a halt in front of a Denny’s. A tall man wearing a lab coat gets out, his left arm torn and bloody. He loads a rifle with a tranquilizer dart while eying the trail of ooze leading to the front door.

TALL MAN
My God, I thought that thing would be full by now.

HORROR
Ext. The Desert – Day

The sun has been swallowed by the dust storm. Headlights approach and an old Buick materializes in front of a restaurant. A tall man wearing a plastic rain coat gets out. He pulls a shotgun from the back seat. A THUMP comes from the trunk.

TALL MAN
If you’re good I’ll bring you a burger. Now hush.

ROMCOM
Ext. The Desert – Day

Tequila sunrise. A pickup rattles to a stop in front of a truck stop diner. A lanky young man climbs out the driver side window. He pulls out a starter pistol, digs it into the pocket of his varsity jacket.

YOUNG MAN
(falsetto)
Baby, I don’t want no ring from Walmart.
(normal voice)
Well, papa’s going to buy you a diamond ring.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

Twin suns flank the desert sky. A narrow black cyclone
drifts to a stop in front of the abandoned Mirage restaurant
and unfurls to reveal a TALL DARK MAN shouldering an RPG.

TALL DARK MAN
(confused)
What year is this?

EXT. DESERT – DAY

The sun quickly sets on Texan desertscape. A tired Mustang
rattles up to the Stuck Pig BBQ. Eyeing the confederate flag
fluttering above, the DRIVER stashes a gun his jeans.

DRIVER
(sarcastic)
What year is this?

EXT. DESERT – DAY

In the summer sun, a MAN with a water gun races a 10-speed
into an Arby’s parking lot, soaked. He sees a cute girl
leaning on a Jag, hides the gun, and slicks back his hair.

MAN
(gesturing to the car)
What year is this?

————————————————————————
EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

Alpha Centauri blazes. Anti-grav flutters over the road — hovers at Gort’s Restaurant. Tall KLAATU emerges – reaches inside his Harry Bates slicker – pulls a laser Glock 675:

KLAATU
Klaatu barada nikto? Not today!

EXT. DESERT – DAY

A sun. Blood-red. A battered van limps along a road – stops in front of a tumbledown restaurant. HUNCHBACKED MAN, exits – removes an over-under shotgun from his bat-skin overcoat.

HUNCHBACKED MAN
Time to eat.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

A Palm Springs sun. 1940 Cadillac cruises along the road – stops at a restaurant: Dexter’s Haven. MAN emerges – Cary Grant handsome — pulls a .38 revolver from his cashmere coat — addresses the parking lot attendant:

MAN
Tracy Lord in today?
————————————————————————————
Keep Writing!
Mike

A dying sun soaks the clouds blood red. A dingy ’54 pick-up sputters to a halt in front of an abandoned church. TALL MAN crunches sand as he exits; a shotgun flows from his duster.
TALL MAN
Bet the first goddamn shot’ll wake the rest of them
cocksucker vampires.

EXT. DESERT – DAY
A brilliant sun blisters the land. A metallic plate THUDS to the ground and TALL MAN materiliazes on it in a dance of sparkles; draws his spacely shooter.

TALL MAN
(into watch)
This is Aqent Quark and I have arrived on m-twenty-two, first of January, fifty-four-twenty-nine.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

A soft sun just rises between a pair of mountains. An ice cream truck jingles to halt in front of a motel.
TALL MAN stumbles big red clown feet from his ride; drops his water gun in exhuastion.

TALL MAN
Sweet bachlorettes from hell — that was so NOT a pre-school party.

OMG this was soooo much fun!!! You rock Julie!!!! Thank you.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The green sun shimmers. Along the path through the spiny desert oozes a
Squishon ridden by a tall man in a breather coat. The restaurant is far
ahead. The man jiggles the reins. No response. He draws an electric prod.

TALL SPACEMAN
(muffled by breathing device)
This’ll giddy ya the fuck up, slimeball.
.

EXT. THE DESERT – NIGHT

The sea fog hides the moon. Along the salt road chugs a 1900-era German
army truck. The engine stops and the truck coasts silently to a restaurant.
A tall officer in a leather coat steps off quietly. He draws a Luger.

TALL OFFICER
(whisper)
Herero staff. Kill them all.
.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun bakes. A bus trailing a huge silver banner approaches through
the road haze and parks by “The Gay Caballero” restaurant. A tall man
in fur coat and jockstrap jumps down. He squirts a can of Funny String.

TALL MAN
Priscilla’s here! Paaartayyyyyyyy!!!!!!

A rundown bar simmers in the scorching sun. Slowly, it is covered by the shadow of a massive descending flying saucer. A tall, grey alien with furry skin materializes outside. Its third eye sends out a laserbeam that burns the bar to the ground.

TALL ALIEN
Of all the gin joints in all the world I end up at this one.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun sets. Dusk falls. The neon lights of the casino flicker. With screeching tires a white convertible Cadillac comes to a stop. A tall man in a tuxedo stumbles out. Bloody gashes cover his face. Trembling, he draws a gun.

TALL MAN
I’m sorry babe, but you leave me no choice.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The sun burns down on the rolling sand dunes as a black 4×4 Jeep approaches, bumping and jolting. It stops in front of a diner. A tall man in a loose-fitting hiking shirt jumps out. A woman in a short sequined dress and killer heels also exits.

TALL MAN
(smitten)
When your profile said low maintenance I just knew we would hit it off!

EXT.THE DESERT – DAY

Heat waves reflect off the road surface. A Porsche, moving in excess of 120mph. Locks brakes, screaming halt. Road side, wild dogs devour a blood soaked MAN who’s still breathing. JOHNNY SHOT GUN opens his car door, moving towards the dogs buffet.

JOHNNY SHOT GUN
I hate dogs.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

Sola eclipse forms over the “Pisto’n’ Broke” petrol cafe, 5 miles out of Vegas. KABOOM, petrol pumps explode one after another with no apparent reason. A MAN walks through, his persona unaffected by the explosions. Out of his trench coat comes a.

MAN
(yells)
Epoc eddi nap ghar gibber ghar.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

Leaning over an old Chevy truck, hood up, is a towering MAN. His GIRL ,cute, sits in the truck wearing a semi transparent singlet. She has a makeshift restaurant on the dash board. Another truck pulls up in front of them. The man signals he wants his gun.

GIRL
(sweet girls banter)
It’s in your fu**ing coat baby.
(beat)
In the fu**ing tray.

The midday sun glares down. A saucer-shaped craft with many photovoltaic panels crash-lands from the skies in front of a solar mirror farm. A tall man dressed in a g-suit climbs out. He draws a cellphone.

TALL TEST PILOT
Sorry. Got my shadow on the mirrors again.

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The setting sun is just a red blip on the horizon. An army truck cruises slowly past the Boot Hill cemetery as troops in combat gear leap out, roll, and take up positions by the fence. A tall soldier adjusts his flame-thrower.

TALL SOLDIER
How d’you like your zombies — medium-rare or well done?

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

The afternoon sun shines. An ambulance joins several other ambulances in front of a restaurant. A tall man in a white coat gets out and surveys the cloth-covered bodies lined up. One has two bumps suggesting an ample chest. He draws a stethoscope.

TALL DOCTOR
Food poisoning’s a bitch. We’ll have to work fast. I’ll start with this one.

This such a great assignment.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

The sun glares. From the wavy horizon where golden sand and azure sky
meet, a charcoal blur emerges. The car screeches to a stop in front
of a diner. A TALL MAN falls out. He draws a blue-ooze stained gun.

TALL MAN
(yells inside)
Hey, I’m dying here!

EXT. DESERT – DAY

The sun glints off the HEARSE as it halts in front of a TRUCK STOP. A
TALL MAN wearing a dark coat over a tux gets out. He is unaffected
by the desert heat. He licks his lips and draws a gun.

TALL MAN
(whisper)
I’m craving meat today.

EXT. DESERT – DAY

The sun shines. But a THICK CLOUD obscures it.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
COME ON!!!

A tiny car, covered with SOLAR PANELS, drifts to a stop in front of a
DINER. A TALL MAN wearing a WHITE COAT squeezes out. Draws a water
gun. And sprays himself.