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The Rouge Wave Mailbag

Thursday, July 3rd, 2008

Dear Rougewave,

I keep running into the advice to never use “we see”. People say that a lot of readers will throw my script into the “round filing cabinet” if I use it because in general they hate to see “we” in a script. They say I shouldn’t take the chance. Is this true?! Do you guys really hate it that much? So much so that if I’ve written a killer script you’ll toss it out just because I used “we” a couple of times? The thing is, I’ve seen it in all kinds of scripts, but the same people tell me those scripts are later drafts and that I’ll rarely if ever see it in early drafts of spec scripts. But I thought spec drafts WERE what I was reading! Gah! I’m confused! Am I taking a chance by using it?

Sincerely,

Ed F.

Ed,

First off, close your eyes and take a deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath. A nice, relaxing, cleansing breath. Innnnnnnnn… ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. Good. (Open your eyes.) Okay, here *we* go…

This is by far the most frequently asked screenwriting-related question (at least on the internet). And I have to be honest — when Julie told me someone had asked it, I begged her to let me weigh in. Man, for ages, I’ve been waiting for someone to give a definitive answer. *The* answer. The one that would end all speculation. Well, I’m going to attempt to do that now. Yeah, yeah, I know the debate will rage on long after this blog entry has passed away and gone to cyber-heaven, but, what the heck, lemme tell you what *I* think…

“We xxx (see, hear, fly over, tumble through, etc.)” is part of the screenwriting lexicon. It’s not quite a formatting tool, like INT. or EXT., but it’s close. I have seen it used so often, I practically *expect* it now whenever I crack open a script (or scroll down in a pdf or FD document). And, yeah, early drafts of spec scripts that sold (and are in development or have been produced) are sometimes riddled with it. And since I know the *real* question is about early drafts of specs that broke their writers into the business, rest assured, you’ll see it in those, too. (Check out Brad Inglesby’s THE LOW DWELLER, James Simpson’s ARMORED and Jon Spaihts’ PASSENGERS, for starters.)

So put your mind at ease — you can use it. Just use it wisely. And creatively. But that applies to everything, right? Instead of writing a bunch of random “We see Gary walking into the bar. We see Todd stumbling out of the bathroom. We see Veronica caving Fred’s skull in with a hammer” sentences, think about exactly why you might want to use it on a given occasion. Perhaps it’s to create a POV shot in your reader’s mind: “We inch our way down the corridor… toward the blood spattered door.” Or maybe it’s to draw attention to something we see, but a character in the scene doesn’t: “Right as Paul turns away from the closet, its door quietly swings open, and we see two glowing RED EYES peering out of it. Paul is oblivious, though, and we want to warn him, we want to scream “Watch out!” at the top of our lungs, as the dark, hulking SHAPE glides out of the closet…”

Crude examples, but you get the idea.

And, yeah, people will say, “Well, in both of those passages, you could omit ‘we’ and still have the same visual.” And then they’ll offer their rewrite and it *won’t* be the same thing — it *won’t* imply the same visual. It won’t have the same *feeling*. It won’t have the same, dare I write it, Voice. I’ve seen that a million times.

Because here’s the thing… the real issue: When you write a screenplay, your job is to give a reader (be it a reader-reader, an agent, a producer, a studio exec, an actor, a director, etc.) the experience of watching a movie. You want to immerse them in the film you’ve played over and over in your mind. Basically, you want them to feel as if they’re watching *your* movie when they read your script.

I say use whatever tools you have to use to accomplish that. Use them creatively, use them wisely, and use them confidently.

“We back away, slowly, as the hordes of mutant anti-we-seers crawl out of the woodworks.”

Tony Robenalt

****

Yeah. Tony’s pretty cool. That’s why he reads at The Script Department. If you want Tony’s notes on your script you can request him personally. If you dare.

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Action Line Interruptus

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008

This is an old Rouge Wave post, Wavers, but it’s so relevant and at this point so buried in the archives that I thought it would be a good topic to revisit. Why? Because we have had a massive influx of new Wavers lately and, really, are they supposed to dig through the whole archive for gems like this? I think not. We have better things to do like visit Jesus Christ Superstar Dress Up.

So: here we go. Again. Action Line Interruptus and Why it Sucks:

Open up your script. Turn to a sample page. Stare at it and get a visual. Don’t read the words, just observe its appearance. How are those action lines looking? Any dense blocks? That’s something that most of us know we should avoid – “too much black”. But did you ever think about the fact that you can actually have too many short action lines which interrupt the flow of dialogue? Prodco readers tend to focus on your dialogue. Because it is in dialogue that the story moves forward. And they have to synopsize your script later. Of course they read the action lines too but particularly if the actions within them are stock and descriptive, they read about half the sentence and move on – because they get it, they’re not that interested – they want to know what happens next. When readers review your script they are reading it FAST. So action lines don’t really “stick” unless they are tremendously entertaining.

Here is an example of the way in which too many short action lines, peppered throughout your page interrupts the flow of dialogue and therefore – plot. It’s a little excruciating, but the Wave-inatrix wants to put you through a sample experience. To put you in the shoes of a reader:

***

Henry: I miss the farm, don’t you?

Amos flips the pancakes and looks out the window at the Philly skyline.

Amos: Sure do.

Henry puts the syrup on the table.

Henry: Sometimes I wish we could just go out back and get syrup the way we used to.

Amos plates the pancakes.

Amos: Yeah, those were the days.

Henry looks at the pancakes, licks his lips and puts his napkin on his lap.

Henry: Course, things changed after the avalanche took mom and dad out.

Amos sits down opposite Henry.

Amos: I sure do miss ‘em.

Henry butters his pancakes.

Henry: Probably shouldna set that blast so close to ‘em. You knew they were berry picking below the mountain.

Henry wipes his mouth and looks at his brother pointedly. Amos points his fork at his brother.

Amos: It was your idea, remember? You said enough was enough and I guess I just took that literally.

He gestures at their shabby studio apartment.

Amos: And they didn’t leave us hardly nothin’ in their will.

Henry pushes back from the table.

Henry: Guess we shoulda thoughta that.

Amos: Funeral took up most of it.

Henry: Suppose we should go visit the cemetery this weekend?

Amos digs in to his food.

Amos: We’ll bring their favorite flowers; Arctic Poppies.

*****
In this first example, not only are the characters micro-managed, their dialogue, which is ad hoc, silly, and yet on a certain level, powerful, is not delivered in such a way that we are really taking it in. Because we have interrupted the flow terribly with action lines. These two brothers have parents who died in an avalanche. They miss their old life. And they uh, they did it. This is important information to convey.

Now let’s try that again:

Henry: I miss the farm, don’t you?

Amos flips the pancakes and looks out the window at the Philly skyline.

Amos: Sure do.

Henry: Sometimes I wish we could just go out back and get syrup the way we used to.

Amos: Yeah, those were the days.

Henry: Course, things changed after the avalanche took mom and dad out.

Amos sits down opposite Henry.

Amos: I sure do miss ‘em.

Henry: Probably shouldna set that blast so close to ‘em. You knew they were berry picking below the mountain.

Amos: It was your idea, remember? You said enough was enough and I guess I just took that literally.

He gestures at their shabby studio apartment.

Amos: And they didn’t leave us hardly nothin’ in their will.

Henry: Guess we shoulda thoughta that.

Amos: Funeral took up most of it.

Henry: Suppose we should go visit the cemetery this weekend?

Amos: We’ll bring their favorite flowers; Artic Poppies.

**
So review your scenes and make sure that they flow easily and well. Do not overuse or pepper action lines over your pages such that dialogue is split up and watered down.

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Get Your Action On

Monday, February 4th, 2008

As promised, this week on the Rouge Wave, we’re recapping some discussions we’ve had of some of the basic elements of screenwriting. With the strike giving the appearance of possibly ending soon and with competition season arriving shortly, it’s time to fire up your engines, Wavers. So I’ve compiled and compressed Rouge Wave blog posts from various points in time to create a sort of brief “best-of” on each element.

***

Action lines are not just paragraphs which describe the building, or the car or the dusty street the character is walking down. They aren’t just to tell us the character is wearing “khaki pants, a white shirt and dress shoes”. Action lines are like paintings. They should be kinetic, pithy and evocative. What do I mean by that? If a writer is describing a mid-19th century street in Nevada and the day is hot and the bad guy is about to gallop up on his horse, then focus on using that action line to really convey all of that. Let us hear a carriage creaking by. Let us feel the hot sun. Let us choke on the dust and hear the sound of the boots over the wooden walkways. Choose words, in other words, that match the mood of the scene and the tone of the script overall. Read produced scripts and notice the way a horror script will use dark, scary words in the action lines. Notice the way a romantic comedy will use lighter, funnier, bouncier words in the action lines. Make the scene come alive. Don’t be afraid to sound like you, not some pedantic machine who’s read a how-to screenwriting book one too many times.

Here’s a little secret: most readers, and by extension, executives and producers, skim over action lines quickly. Particularly if they are dense. We are only looking for key words so we can orient ourselves. The dialogue is the primary place where the plot is going to play out.

Don’t tell us things we cannot see. Action lines are not subtitled. For example, do not say “the viewer will notice immediately how rich with silver money Nevada has grown.” Huh? Oh – you mean there’s a lot of silver being gambled on the tables? Okay, so just say that. Describe the saloon then. What kind of music is playing? Is the money clinking? Are people shouting when they win and groaning when they lose? Is it a bunch of miners and roughnecks or guys in cravats and monocles? We’ve all seen movies – describe the scene as if it’s a movie. I know that sounds stupid but scripts are not just blueprints of movies, they are facsimiles of movies. We should read them and almost see the scenes recreated in our minds. When in doubt, challenge yourself to cut your action line down by fully half. Review it for words that are adding to the mood and feel you want to evoke.

Which Tense?

I have read more than a handful of scripts in which action lines are written in what we would technically call the “present continuous tense”:

Joseph is wading across the baby pool.

…rather than the proper tense for a script which is the “present simple”

Joseph wades across the baby pool.

Stepping away from grammar labels momentarily, the reason the first example is not appropriate for a script is that it distances the reader from the action in a small but subtle way. So rather than being in the scene with Joseph, in a sensory way, we are distanced because you are telling me what he is doing. I don’t watch it myself – you narrate it to me. As if I am a sight-challenged person. Joseph is wading across the baby pool.

When an action line is written properly, I observe the action myself. I watch it happen. Joseph wades across the baby pool. You aren’t telling me it’s happening, it just IS happening.

Action lines SHOULD:

Be like haiku: brief, economical and as sensory and colorful as possible

ALL CAP and briefly describe new characters – even extras like the NURSE.

Be written in the present-simple: The Wave-inatrix, in her polka-dot bikini, sips her bourbon and writes her blog.

Action lines SHOULD NOT:

Be dense and long-winded. Try to keep them to about 4 lines. Particularly on your first few pages.

Be so brief that they are choppy and weird sounding. Seriously, don’t economize so much you leave out the fundamentals of sentence structure.

Save for few examples, be written in any other tense than the present simple. No “stirring” “dancing” or “murdering”. He stirs, she dances, he murders. Keep it in the now.

The absolute best way to build your skill set with action lines is to read produced scripts. Or heck, just a good script, doesn’t have to be produced. If you read quite a number of scripts you’ll notice that naturally – and thank god – writes have pronounced styles. You’ll see every rule broken, you’ll swoon when you see Shane Black speak to you, the reader, on the page – (he’s just so brilliant). But what you will not see is a screenwriter informing you, the reader, of what you are watching. Action lines should not describe a scene as if we are watching the characters in a diorama: Look, Bob is chopping carrots! Suzy is licking the spatula. The cat is meowing.

Rather, plunk a reader into the middle of the scene and describe what’s happening as if it is in surround-sound and 3-D: Bob chops celery while Suzy licks the spatula. The cat meows piteously.

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Perambulation

Thursday, September 6th, 2007

As always, Rouge Wavers, I save up interesting or comical mistakes I find in scripts for your entertainment and edification. That is to say, I hope you more than chuckle, you also take a lesson away from a given example.

Puzzled as if over the results of a random number generator, the Wave-inatrix often finds odd errors clustered not just in one script but in several scripts within one week. And recently, I found three scripts in one week that used the wrong synonym for “walk”. Writers know that choosing descriptors with a finer point on them is important for writing interesting pages. In other words if every character simply “walks” across a room, that gets dull quickly. This is a truth fundamental to all writing, naturally. Writers are wordsmiths so our vocabulary knowledge is generally several points higher than the general public. Or at least – it should be. Here are three examples of synonyms for “walk” which were completely and totally, 100% contextually wrong:

His automatic weapon in hand, the secret serviceman waddled to the edge of the building to take aim.

WADDLED?? Like a baby with a dirty diaper? Or an obese old lady?

MARINE GUNNERY SERGEANT ROGERS picked up his baseball bat and angrily sauntered over to the fight.

This guy, who has a handlebar mustache, by the way, and now runs a rowdy bar with drunken patrons, is very upset in this scene. So he saunters?

DR. CARRIGAN scampers down the hall as he responds to the Code Blue.

Scampers? Like a kitten? This is an emergency room doctor in a hellish, low budget hospital. He’s overworked, he’s losing his mind a bit and he – scampers?

So Rouge Wavers, be aware that an excellent vocabulary is a requisite part of being a writer and if you aren’t sure if you’re using the right word, look it up.

Synonyms have shades of meaning; connotations and implications that shift the tone slightly in one direction or another. Use your words with precision. Because using an inappropriate synonym can inadvertently make the difference between a great description and a laugh at your expense. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any waddling security guys protecting ME.

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Don’t Cop Out

Sunday, July 29th, 2007

Very often, Rouge Wavers, my blog posts are inspired by real-life experiences I have with the latest script I read for my business or a production company or perhaps something that is going on with a peer, friend or colleague. And so this weekend I read a script that said, simply:

There is a furious battle.

I flipped to the next page. Nada. We move on to the next scene. I flip back. What?? Where’d the furious battle go? I look at the page numbers – has the writer left out a page? No, the writer didn’t. The writer simply didn’t write the scene.

Rouge Wavers, this is as bad as over-writing the scene. It makes the writer look lazy, inept or both and it cheats the script out of a really great setpiece. A furious battle? Well – what does that look like? What does it sound like? What does it feel like? Scripts are like amusement park rides – so thrill us. Simply stating that there IS a battle, chase, sex or gunfight scene does not work whatsoever.

Never, ever miss an opportunity to show off your chops as a writer. We want to hear the clanging swords and be flecked with mud – we want to see the ladies watching and fanning themselves, we want to hear the THUD of the horses….

Anything less is a cop-out of huge proportions.

If you’re really intimidated by writing a great action scene, I recommend getting ahold of and reading some great….wait for it….action scripts. Check out DIE HARD (any) or LETHAL WEAPON – heck, THE ISLAND has a fantastic action sequence. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, THE FRENCH CONNECTION, THE LAST SAMURAI…

The list is long. Don’t be intimidated, do your homework and figure it out. But don’t simply cop out, it will take all the zing out of your script, deflate the read and make you look like an amateur.

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Business

Thursday, July 26th, 2007

What is “business” on your script page? Well, that’s short for “stage business” and that’s an old-fashioned term which means folding laundry, opening a coke, answering the phone, stacking the mail, hanging up the dishtowel – all those little actions. Because movies are not real life – they are real life condensed, compressed and put under an entertaining spotlight, we don’t show a fraction of the “business” that goes on in real life when we write our scripts. Add up everything you did in the past 30 minutes. You made coffee or tea, you had your morning ritual, you chose your clothing, you made your bed (or not) you got into the car to go to work, you greeted the guy in the parking lot….a lot of business. And let’s be honest – it ain’t that fascinating, is it? So in movies – we skip over most of that stuff so we can get to the good part.

The word “business” is by definition negative, in fact. If someone comments on the “business” in your scene – they are not complimenting you, they are saying, in essence, that your action lines are cluttered, with too much going on. If what’s going is distracting and doesn’t add depth or meaning from a thematic or character standpoint – your action lines will be labeled “business”. If what’s going on adds a layer of depth and flows seamlessly, it won’t be mentioned at all. But it will be appreciated.

In other words, one writer throws in that the character brushes his teeth, then flosses then uses mouthwash. Somehow, it’s not working, it doesn’t feel organic, it feels like it was bedtime and the writer figured they better show bedtime ritual. Another writer chose consciously to show this character get ready for bed because it illuminates him in an amusing or otherwise elucidatory way. It’s not well, it’s bedtime, I have to fill page space by showing him get ready for bed. It’s – check out the way this guy gets ready for bed. And watch that tooth floss. It’s going to come back later in the story…

Every single word you write in your script is scrutinized for meaning. If you have two characters discussing something in a scene and one character gets up in the midst of that scene, answers the phone and tells the dry cleaner that if they can’t get the stain out of the dress they should just toss it – I am going to wonder why that just happened and I am going to try to assign some meaning to it. Because nothing in a script is accidental. Yes, in real life, quite often our conversations are punctuated with the UPS man’s arrival or opening bills or kicking the fridge door shut. Because real life continues to go on around us and we just swim in it as we try to achieve our larger goals. But in movies, everything flows into the story.

If you have a character kick the fridge door shut we then would ask of that scene: did they just get a beer out? Or a chocolate pie? Is there a magnet on the fridge that falls off after the kick-shut and the magnet says: Eat to live? In other words choose actions very consciously. Choose your actions to make a point. Yes, I know that in real life people scratch and move a dishtowel and doodle. But in movies, I don’t care. Unless it matters. So if you show your character doodle, I am going to watch that carefully for some kind of meaning. And if it ain’t there – now I wonder why you wasted the gesture.

New writers tend to write a scene and think well, I’ve got to make this more life-like and add a phone call, a dog bark or some laundry folding and mail sorting because my two characters can’t just sit there and statically talk. True enough, they can’t just sit there and statically talk. Unless you’ve written MY DINNER WITH ANDRE and what they are saying is so brilliant that you can get away with the minimalist action of ordering more wine or espresso.

What are you characters doing in each scene? What is going on around them? Look for a balance of adding that layer of the reality of their world versus simply giving your character something to do so they don’t sit still. If you’re just not sure – write the dialogue in the scene, move on and come back to it. Don’t add actions simply so they are there. It’s okay to come back and then add a layer that you couldn’t think of in the moment.

Make every scene count, make every word count, make every action count. Otherwise – it’s just business.

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Action Line Don’ts

Monday, July 23rd, 2007

Here are three examples of bad action line writing that I came across very recently:

They’ve been friends since high school.

He enjoys impressing people even though he has no connections.

He has a hot temper

Now go with me here, Wavers – remember the basic tenet that action lines do not appear on the screen, yes? Does everybody see what is patently wrong with these examples?

So how does “They’ve been friends since high school” work in an action line? It absolutely does not. Because I can’t see that, you’re just telling me that. You’re going to have to work that fact in to the scene in some other, organic way. How about:

Darleen: I’m so fat! I can’t fit into this dress!
Roberta: Remember that Clamato juice diet we did in the 9th grade?
Darleen: What were we thinking?!

There are so many creative ways to let us know that these two have been friends since high school. This can be indicated in dialogue as above, it might be indicated by possessions, shared memories, or even someone else making a comment. Don’t cop out and simply announce to us what this relationship is. It’s lazy writing, it doesn’t work, it is the mark of an amateur and it will get you a PASS.

How about this one – “He enjoys impressing people even though he has no connections.” Show it don’t say it and certainly do not describe your character as if you are introducing him or her on a gameshow: Dexter loves spotted dogs, flying kites and impressing people, though he has no connections.

No, no and NO. Maybe Dexter compensates by wearing a gold pinky ring. Maybe he has a vast Rolodex on his desk. Only we see that most of the cards are blank. Certainly in his dialogue, he’s going to speak pretentiously. The scene in LA STORY when Steve Martin tries to book a table at an impossibly pretentious French restaurant is a great example of a character trying to impress someone but having absolutely no luck whatsoever.

On the other hand, crafty and skillful writers can say things in action lines like:

Robert sits down on the piano bench. Wishing he were anywhere but here.

Floyd files his nails – can jury selection go any more slowly?

Rachel winds her kite back in. Bored.

Why can you get away with things like this? Because these are sentiments generally accompanied by facial expressions or body language. Can you see Rachel winding her kite back in – bored? How about if she wound her kite back in, frightened? Or annoyed? Well, I can picture those things. But I can’t picture the fact that she never gets dates. And Wavers, it is my sad duty to inform you that yes indeed I have read action lines like: Rachel likes to fly kites and never gets dates. Sometimes she overeats when she’s lonely. What is the Wave-inatrix disclaimer that comes right around now…? I wish I made this stuff up.

Remember – show it, don’t say it. Evidence things, do not list them. Do not introduce your characters as if they are on The Price is Right. You don’t have to tell us everything about your character immediately. Take your time. Let your character’s quirks, predilections and personal history come out bit by bit, as the scene and situation calls for it. Did we know that Raymond Babbitt had to have fish sticks on Tuesdays and that he bought his underwear at Kmart on the first page we met him? No. We got to know his habits and routines little by little until they build like a drumbeat, driving his brother crazy.

When introducing a character ask yourself:

Is this piece of information or history important to convey here and now? Or might it make an interesting reveal, later?

Is this character evidencing the history or habit or am I just noting it for the reader?

Is this a sentiment or an opinion? Can my character act it out rather than my just saying it?

Which is more economical and clever here, naming the sentiment or acting it out?

and always, always, as a fail safe, read the action line again and ask yourself: what does “he likes to impress people” look like?

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Landing Your Moments

Monday, July 16th, 2007

My daughter, the Mini-W, is addicted to America’s Next Top Model. And slowly but surely, I have found myself also glued to each episode. It has actually fascinated me, how much more there is to modeling than I could have imagined. What strikes me is that the way the models go from sleepy and complaining to ON – the minute they are asked to. They know that everything changes when they are being watched – and judged. Most of us don’t go to fashion shows and many of us may not have much serious regard for Tyra Banks and her television empire, but one thing is definitely true – say what you will about runway models – it’s hard to take your eyes off of them.

So let’s talk about your writing. You know in your head what you want to happen in a scene, and you type it out quietly, between sips of coffee – but this scene is destined to be read by some executive, assistant, reader or intern out there and that scene better be absolutely smoking-hot; all long legs and penetrating eyes. Your scene better be riveting, in other words.

No lazy strolls, no dense action lines of information – put your words on the catwalk so that all eyes are glued on them and so that when something happens, you draw attention to it. Land your moments, nail them – do not write them at the pace of a lazy stroll.

All of this “landing” scenes and moments and comparing it to runway models might be a bit of a reach. What in the heck is the Wave-inatrix talking about? Let me illustrate.

Here’s a changed-up and paraphrased example from something my partner and I wrote not long ago. It appears on the very last page of a psychological thriller. The previous scene was an intense battle scene between the main character and antagonist. We fade to black after a gunshot blast. You don’t know how it ended… We cut to a quiet dock in New England.

A seagull feather floats down above the dock gently. A HAND catches it.

Alice smiles directly into the camera.

Less experienced writers might not have taken advantage of such a big reveal. I very often see the same type of moment written like this:

A seagull feather floats down above the dock gently. Alice catches it She smiles directly into the camera.

See how much more fun the first example was? See how that landed? It was a pleasure to read. We delivered the same information but notice that we used a HAND – so the reader knows this is significant, whoever it is…then we put a blank line between that and the reveal. Why? Because it literally makes you wait another second before you get the answer. A nanosecond – but an important one. A crucial one. A fun one. The second example contains the reveal but it doesn’t LAND it.

I have read action lines in scripts in which clearly, some big, fun, scary or otherwise important piece of information is delivered in the same flow of words as the ones you’re reading right now so that if the murderer is your brother and he’s standing right behind you with an ice pick and you sip your coffee but before you can whirl around the ice pick appears through a clavicle, that is about the way you would experience that moment. That was pretty fun, huh? Quite a wild ride. As always, Rouge Wavers, I do not make my examples up. I might paraphrase but I have read what was supposed to be terrifying or hilarious set pieces in paragraphs like this one in which the writer laundry-lists the big Moment and it lands like a damp towel.

Use all-capped words, use spaces, use tension and mystery – use everything in your toolbox as a screenwriter to make the moment memorable. So let’s have that writer be murdered by his brother once more:

The writer peers at his blinking computer screen as he reads the Rouge Wave. He chuckles to himself. Unseen by him, a shadow falls on his desk.

SUDDENLY an ice pick BURSTS through his shirt! Blood stains his blue oxford in a macabre blossom. The writer slumps over and turns weakly toward his attacker. His eyes widen.

Writer: Richard! I thought you were dead!

Parse the information out a little. Make us wait for it. Land your laughs or reveals. How things land is particularly important in comedy and in horror or thriller. But really, honestly, it’s always important. You script is on the catwalk. Strutting, winking, smoldering. Pivot, hands on hips, and stare into the eyes of your reader when something big happens. Work it. You want all eyes on you. Dull action lines in which information and actions just spool out are the equivalent of watching a very old person hobble across a crosswalk while you wait at the now green light. Come on already. COME ON ALREADY!! No. We want a Willie Wonka tumble to surprise us. Bam! Land it.

How are your moments landing?

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Action Lines – Which Tense?

Friday, June 29th, 2007

Previously in the Rouge Wave, we have discussed that action lines are a creative opportunity to make your pages come alive with sensory details. The rain can THUNDER down onto the tin roof, the gun can go BLAM!! in the motel room and the apple should be red, crisp and ice cold.

We have also discussed that action lines should be devoid of typos and malapropisms. I think every Rouge Waver knows that the Wave-inatrix goes apoplectic when writers use saddle when they mean sidle or peak when they mean peek.

We have even discussed how some over-enthusiastic writers, in an attempt to keep their action lines brief can sometimes err so far on the side of brevity that the action lines become some sort of pig latin which not only doesn’t flow, doesn’t make sense. So we might have: Girls in pool. Pool cold, gun POP, man yell.

The Wave-inaxtrix has expounded on how to describe your characters in your action lines and that character’s faces never “show” anything – they ARE angry, upset or joyful.

Today we explore a new topic related to action lines and one that frankly, new writers often, understandably struggle with. And that is: which tense to use in action lines. It must have something to do with the alignment of the planets but recently I have read more than a handful of scripts in which action lines are written in what we would technically call the “present continuous tense”:

Joseph is wading across the baby pool.

…rather than the proper tense for a script which is the “present simple”

Joseph wades across the baby pool.

When an action line is written properly, I observe the action myself. I watch it happen. Joseph wades across the baby pool. You aren’t telling me it’s happening, it just IS happening. .

Do Wavers perceive the subtle difference? It’s something that newer writers really take a long time to understand but once they do, they never look back. It’s like riding a bike; simple and yet initially, as a concept, confusing – won’t the bike fall down? In other words, it’s counter-intuitive to write in the present simple tense. There are rare occasions when we write this way – in some forms of prose it is acceptable and stylishly so: So I walk down the street and there he is: my childhood nemesis.

But I digress. In an action line do not tell me that “we see” anything – do not tell me what the character is doing – just show them doing it. Millie eats porridge. Luciano cocks his gun. Millie looks up, startled. Luciano shoots his gun.

So just remember, your action lines are not the boring, descriptive laundry list preceding the dialogue – no. Action lines are actually equally as compelling as dialogue. Action lines are where you show off your voice, your panache and your style.

Action lines SHOULD:

Be like haiku: brief, economical and as sensory and colorful as possible

ALL CAP and briefly describe new characters – even extras like the NURSE.

Be written in the present-simple: The Wave-inatrix, in her polka-dot bikini, sips her bourbon and writes her blog.

Action lines SHOULD NOT:

Be dense and long-winded. Try to keep them to about 4 lines. Particularly on your first few pages.

Be so brief that they are choppy and weird sounding. Seriously, don’t economize so much you leave out the fundamentals of sentence structure.

Save for few examples, be written in any other tense than the present simple. No “stirring” “dancing” or “murdering”. He stirs, she dances, he murders. Keep it in the now.

Rather, plunk a reader into the middle of the scene and describe what’s happening as if it is in surround-sound and 3-D: Bob chops celery while Suzy licks the spatula. The cat meows piteously.

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