Just Effing Entertain Me

Congratulations, Gina Surles!

…for your short scene, El Zorro’s Secret, which cleverly incorporated the words “parakeet,” “waltz” and “Sumatra” in a very effing entertaining way! Well done, Gina! Your Amazon gift certificate is on its way and drop me a note so we can set up your free phone call as well!

Thanks everyone for participating; we had a MOUNTAIN of entries and judging, as always, was a blast. A bit time consuming but a blast.

That is all. Now get back to work.

Top Three Parakeet Entries!

Okay everybody – here are the top three short scenes for the Parakeet, Waltz, Sumatra short scene competition!

I will post a poll on the sidebar for your votes. Make sure that you read each one carefully and vote according to how cleverly the keywords were used and what the effing entertainment factor is.

(If you are seeing this on the home page of Just Effing, make sure to click through to the blog page in order to vote.)

I’m changing things up around here a little bit vis a vis these competitions, since they have become overwhelmingly popular as has this blog (yay us but wow is there an avalanche of newcomers and traffic) so this time and going forward, voting ends tomorrow, end of day (12am PST). Read, enjoy and VOTE!

Remember, the winner gets a free 15-minute phone call with me, Julie Gray.

So without further ado, here are the top three:

El Zorro’s Secret by Gina Surles

Courting by Desiree Nordlund

The Parakeet Translator by Ron Silva

Parakeet, Waltz, Sumatra

Back by popular demand! The Just Effing keyword short scene competition!

GUIDELINES
The three keywords (parakeet, waltz, Sumatra) must be used in dialogue, action lines or sluglines, as long as the words are in context and are cleverly used to achieve maximum entertainment value. Effing Entertain me, in other words.

DEADLINE
The parakeet, waltz, Sumatra short scenes are due by Wednesday, May 5 at 12am PST. Submit HERE.

PRIZES
A $25 Amazon gift certificate PLUS a free 15 minute phone consult with me, Julie Gray!

TOP THREE ANNOUNCED
Saturday, May 8.

SUBMIT
Here.

PAY
For the very first time ever, I am using the honor system and asking entrants to pay $1.25 for your entry. As readership has grown, submissions have become a mountain of reading and it’s costing mama money to do the reading PLUS give away the prize(s). Hope you don’t mind. It’s nominal for what you could get in return!

Hollywood Script Express and Ady Hall

What does the coolest script printing and delivery service have in common with Ady Hall, winner of the Paramount, Agent, Jelly Fish competition? Absolutely nothing. So. You know.

But anyway – congratulations, Ady, for your hilarious one page scene in which you cleverly incorporated the three key words. Well done!! Forgive my tardiness in posting about this; was up hanging out where Bill Shakespeare was born and seeing super ancient castles and stuff. Y’know, as you do on a Friday afternoon.

Ady’s submission was a crack-up and I just loved the submissions that I received. We have a lot of new UK readers recently (no wonder) and some of those submissions were GREAT!

Now, if you didn’t make the top three, there were one of four reasons for that:

1. Your scene didn’t go anywhere dramatically (i.e. BME, people! Beginning, Middle, End).
2. Your scene didn’t effing entertain me (dance monkey, dance!).
3. Your use of the three keywords was dude, seriously, not that clever or funny.
4. I was in a bad mood and you just got unlucky (it happens! I DO get in bad moods!).*

*Yeah but no, seriously, it was one of the three reasons above hilarious number four.

In other news, I had a pint today with the director of The Hollywood Script Express who just coincidentally happens to be in London on business also! What a gem of a man and what a cool service. I think that UK writers will be interested to know that if they use THSE, they can get their scripts printed on the right size paper and get proper brads put in and get the script delivered to anyone in Hollywood – same day. How cool is that? Dan is also the man behind some really neat outline software, which we also discussed today. We may do a podcast soon, he and I, to talk about the importance of outlining and the importance of outlining in a way that makes sense for YOU.

Okay that’s it from Mary Poppins land this rainy evening. Congratulations again, Ady – you rock!!

Paramount, Agent, Jelly Fish

Hello, everyone! I got quite a few entries so it took me awhile to find the top three.

We have:

Finnegan by Ady Hall

Eddie’s Big Break by Caz Adams

Nightclub by Millar Prescott.

Let me tell you, we got so many great entries, and it was very hard to choose the top three. Very hard. Ultimately, my choices were of course subjective: These are the three scenes that were the best written, that made the most clever use of the keywords and that entertained me.

Voting starts now and ends next Wednesday, March 17th at 5pm, GMT.

Deadlines Looming!

The Paramount, agent, jelly fish deadline looms! It’s tomorrow, March 11th at midnight, GMT. That’s LONDON time to you, bub. Or in LA, that would be this Friday the 11th at 4pm. I’ve received a number of entertaining scenes so you’ll have to up your game – these Brits have rapier sharp wit!

Turn your submission in HERE please. NOW please. HURRY UP please.

Speaking of which, saw the changing of the guard yesterday with my friend Daniel, and went on the London Eye and survived to tell the tale. London is a beautiful international city with a New York vibe but a very different look. Daniel and I did feel the changing of the guard could use more cowbell or, minimally, a Bollywood dance number to really pep it up. It mostly consists of soldiers marching along in the cold with a brass band, standing stock still, yelling at each other for awhile then switching places. So. You know. I just think Michael Bay could do something with that.

Daniel and I then went to the Sherlock Holmes pub, drank pints of Guinness, ordered just about every dessert they had just to try them all and came up with 10 fun, dramatic ways I could meet my end in London before it struck us we were being morbid. This is the short list, mind you.

“Julie Gray tragically failed to MIND THE GAP. Body found in Thames.”

“Julie Gray mistakenly rushed the gates of Buckingham. Bullet riddled body found in Thames.”

“Julie Gray PLUNGES 5,000 meters to a tragic death from the London Eye while leaning too far to the left. Body found in Thames.”

“Julie Gray horrified by wannabe Jack the Ripper copycat killer in White Chapel. Body found in Thames.”

So. Just some ideas for you there. Write your own ridiculous obit.

Readying to teach another class at Bristol University tomorrow, which is a train ride that shall whisk me past Stonehenge. God I hope I see a crop circle. Please, please, please god.

Hey, and what of the Silver Screenwriting Competition?! Are you guys getting your drafts in on time to make the early bird deadline of March 15th?! Save money – send early!!

Agent, Paramount, Jelly Fish

Guess what time it is? That’s right, it’s SHORT SCENE COMPETITION time!!

Write a one page scene of any genre which cleverly incorporates the three words above and yes, I’m counting “jelly fish” as one word. You know what I mean. One thing. Now, remember, mama tends to nominate those scripts for the top three that are most clever and most outside the box. For example, you could indeed refer to Paramount Studios, or something could be of paramount importance.

Deadline: Thursday, March 11th at 12 midnight GMT – that’s London time – eight hours ahead of you in California and for people in NYC, that’s five hours ahead and for those of you in Ohio or Iceland (I know you’re there, Iceland, by the way, I see you in my Google stats) – figure it out.

Prize: The winner of this competition will receive the Learn the Secrets of Readers course, normally valued at $500, for…FREE. That’s correct. It’s quite a cool prize.

Guidelines: Be effing clever and entertaining. Do not separate “jelly” and “fish.” Has to be a JELLY FISH. The key words must be in an action line or dialogue line.

Submit: Now. Right here, darlings.

Top Three Announced: Friday, March 12th.

The Brits are Coming! The Brits are Coming!

Effers, go over to Danny Stack’s UK blog and vote for one of the top three finalists of the UK only Plum, Volcano, Sweater competition! Let me tell you, those entries just rained down upon me. I was amazed by the enthusiasm from across the pond. It’s hard to choose between these top three – they’re each quite clever and well done.

Effers know that when I choose the finalist I immediately disqualify entrants who have not mastered basic format or who have egregious spelling or usage errors. Then I look at the remainder and pull those short scenes that made the most clever use of the keywords and were the most – what? – EFFING ENTERTAINING.

Et voila. Go give one of the three a good, old fashioned vote of American enthusiasm, won’t you? Then come back and tell us which you liked best! I of course (as always) have a secret favorite but I’ll wait to see what Danny’s readers (and you) have to say with your votes.

And the Short Scene Winner Is…

Paul Zeidman for Homonysts Anonymous! Thank you everybody for participating and Paul, get ahold of me to claim your prizes. Well done, everybody, I enjoyed all of the four top finalists and many others that I chose from in an earlier round of judging. As usual, you Effers surprise and delight me with your clever submissions to this silly tradition of ours here on Just Effing.

And this is fun – we have a sister competition going on over on Danny Stack’s wonderful blog – the SWEATER PLUM VOLCANO competition! I’ll be selecting the top three from this UK only competition and they’ll be voting over on Danny’s blog starting on February 6. So be sure and check those finalists out because it’s going to be really fun seeing with the Brits do with their crazy keywords!

That is all. Now get back to work.

Top Four Pear-Slay-Thickening Short Scenes!

Hello everybody! I have selected these top four short scenes from the SLEW that came in on Saturday afternoon! These are in the top four because they effing entertained me. I know we’re supposed to have three but I just couldn’t resist these entries! They used the key words in a clever context, they were inventive and they made me laugh. Job well done, Richard Sheehy, Paul Zeidman, Trevor Mayes and Richard Prosser – you guys slay me!!

Voting Guidelines: All right now guys, remember – we’re looking for clever use of the key words, abiding by the rules to create a scene that effing entertained you, that had a set up, a complication and a resolution. The polls close on Friday January 29th at 8pm PST.

A Ripping Yarn by Robert Prosser

Marriage Dance by Richard Sheehy

Marrakech by Trevor Mayes

Homonysts Anonymous by Paul Zeidman