Just Effing Entertain Me

Short Scene Competition Reminder

What in the heck? Effers are too busy? Too a’scared? I have only gotten a handful of short scenes and the deadline is coming up! COME ON YOU GUYS, srsly

RULES

Write a ONE page scene (max) of any genre that uses the words: SLAY, PEAR and THICKENING within either dialogue or action lines. All short scenes must be submitted in PDF format please.

PRIZE

A free podcast of your choice plus a $15 Amazon gift certificate and also my admiration.

DEADLINE

Send in your short scene no later than Saturday, January 23rd at 9pm PST.

Submit HERE.

Don’t FORGET…

…to have fun. That’s the point. Writing is fun!

Short Scene Competition

It’s that time again, Effers! Well, truth be told, I got inspired because I’m putting together a short script competition for UK residents only that’s running this March, as part of my workshop teaching trip over to London, Tel Aviv and Cairo this spring. So I thought hey, waitta minute, what about my loyal readers here? So are you guys ready to have some fun?!

RULES

Write a ONE page scene (max) of any genre, which uses the words: SLAY, PEAR and THICKENING within either dialogue or action lines. All short scenes must be submitted in PDF format please.

PRIZE

A free podcast of your choice plus a $15 Amazon gift certificate and also my admiration.

DEADLINE

Send in your short scene no later than Saturday, January 23rd at 9pm PST.

Submit HERE

Don’t FORGET

To have fun. That’s the point. Writing is fun!

Genre Action Line Winners!

Well hello, everybody! I hope you have all had a chance to poke around the new site! And now, for your viewing pleasure, I have selected the top genre action line winners. I’m sorry the spacing isn’t listening to me right now – beta dontcha know – but hopefully you Effers can screw up your eyes and make this out. I’ll get this fixed ASAP. The big winners are Suzie and Norm De Plume, so contact me, guys, to collect your free podcasts. Congratulations, job well done! Should we do this again sometime? I hope it was fun! I had fun reading these!

HORROR:

EXT. THE DESERT – DAY

It’s midday. The fan tinkers like a woodpecker on LSD but it’s the best the diner has to offer. An orange 1974 Charger suddenly penetrates the humble architecture. A bloodied MAN, shredded pants and a coat with ripped sleeves opens the driver’s door and drapes out of the car…

MAN
(dying breath)

“Don’t open the trunk.”

- by Suzie

SCI-FI:

EXT. NEVADA DESERT – THE AREA 51 TRUCK STOP – DAY

Flickering sun, HOWLING dust storm. A tractor-trailer, huge canvassed cargo, stops. A TALL MAN wearing desert camo coat gets out. Wind RIPS the canvas, revealing an ALIEN SPACECRAFT. He points a gun at GAS ATTENDANT.

TALL MAN

Fill it up and keep your eyes where they belong.

- by Norm DePlume

ROM-COM:

EXT. ARIZONA DESERT – THE GRAND CANYON CAFE – DAY

The sun twinkles off a carpet of spring wildflowers. A tour bus filled with confused TOURISTS stops in front of the café. A TALL FRAZZLED MAN wearing a coat that reads “Tim’s Rim Tours” gets out. He draws a CAP GUN.

TALL FRAZZLED MAN
(shouting)

Come back, Flo, or I’m gonna cap myself right here!

- by Norm DePlume

Genre Action Line Writing

Okay, who’s up for a whole mess o’ fun? Here’s the assignment: I’m gonna give you a very  generic slugline and a couple of action lines under it and I want you to rewrite it three ways – 1) as sci-fi 2) as horror and 3) as a romcom.

GUIDELINES:

I want you to work with the slugline itself and then rewrite the action line, focusing on the placeholder generic words. For example, where I say “vehicle,” you replace that with the type of vehicle that would BE in the genre you are describing. I say “the sun shines” – well, HOW does it shine in romcom? In horror? Is the vehicle close or far? Is there a radio on? Is there dust on the road? What KIND of desert? Is there cactus? What kind of tall man? What type of coat? What type of gun?

Just how cinematic can you make this little tidbit and keep it evocative of the genre?

And the funnest part – give the tall man ONE line of dialogue and again, making it keeping with the genre and with the scene you are setting.

INSTRUCTIONS RECAP

Rewrite the mini-scene three times: sci-fi, horror and romcom. Use the generic action and sluglines below. Give the man one line of dialogue. You may rewrite the line and a half below UP TO three lines of action and no more.

GENERIC JUMPING OFF POINT

Ext. the desert – day

The sun shines. A vehicle comes down the road and stops in front of a restaurant. A tall man wearing a coat gets out. He draws a gun.

PRIZES

The winner of the best mini-scene in each genre will receive a free MP3 of his or her choice from my MP3 library.

SUBMISSION

Total. Just kidding. Submit via the comments section, please.

DEADLINE

Submissions received after Friday, January 8th will be disqualified.

Ready, steady, GO!

Christmas Short Scene Winner

Congratulations to Patrick Bonner for his winning Christmas short scene, “A Very TMZ Christmas,” which won with 109 votes. Congratulations, Patrick! Contact me to collect your Amazon gift certificate and free .mp3!

Top Three Short Scenes

Good morning, Effers – please forgive my inability to get the technology figured out to do this properly and on time! And thank you to the Effers who so kindly gave me tips and pointers. For this time, though I do not prefer it, I will be linking to the winning scenes (thank you, Brian, good solution for now).

So, at long last, we have:

NICK by Gail E. Moss

A VERY TMZ CHRISTMAS by Patrick Bonner

MEGA-CHRISTMAS by K.G. Madman

Okay, so we’re going to vote over on the right-hand side bar, using this little survey widget Mama’s managed to figure out (does anybody have some brain space to rent for cheap?); the winner gets a $15 Amazon gift card and a free MP3 of one of my teleclasses from the Just Effing Do It series.

When you vote, look for the Entertainment Factor, look for originality, look for cleverness and look for the use of the three keywords: aztec, eggnog and felicity.

POLLS CLOSE Saturday December 19th at 9pm PST.

Christmas One-Page Scene Competition

Hello, Effers! It’s a cool and cloudy weekend here in Los Angeles and I’m staying cozy inside while I hammer away at chapters of the Just Effing book. It’s really fun, though the source material (The Rouge Wave) is quite voluminous!

We haven’t had a short scene competition in a very long time but I think we should! Some of you have done this a million times and others may be brand new to the idea. So I’ll ‘splain.

This is a one-page scene with a Christmas theme, it can be any genre, but needs to use the following three words within the scene, in context:  Aztec, eggnog and felicity. The deadline is one week from today, December 13. Please turn in the scene using either FD or PDF.

So again – three words:

Aztec

eggnog

felicity

Deadline: Sunday, December 13th at 9pm, PST.

Prize: a $15 gift certificate to Amazon and a free MP3 of my recent teleclasses.

Now remember, I will favor you with being in the top three for  a community vote if you can effing entertain me with your cleverness and wit. Do your best and be competitive! Can you write a compelling, entertaining scene with a beginning, a middle and an end – all on ONE page? Using the keywords? I can’t wait to find out!

Send your short scene in to me HERE.

Silver Screenwriting Deadline Extension

Well, hello, Wavers! How is everyone this fine day? Sorry to be a bit absent – judging scripts takes a lot of focused time and Yoohoo. Also cupcakes. Busy busy busy judging and might I say – I LOVE a good title – when you’re looking at hundreds and hundreds of scripts and you see a crazy/great title you think Oooh! I gotta see THAT one!

Also, this just in – we’ve extended our deadline until Sunday, May 10th for those last writers who were so close and yet not quite ready. Well, you now have exactly five more days. Well, more like four and a half. But. It’s still possible to submit. So please do so if you haven’t had a chance. And make sure you have an eye-catching title!

Back to judging – more news from the trenches later. Now get back to work.

Judging The First Round Scripts

…So the deadline for the Silver Screenwriting Competition is tonight at midnight. And the scripts are pouring in. True to form – and honestly, I respect it – writers have waited til the last second to submit. As well they should – why let typos or formatting be the death of your script? Why send in an okay script when spending a bit more time on it can improve it?

Wavers have the unique opportunity to really get the inside scoop on what administrating and judging this competition is like, since yours truly is the one in charge and yours truly is a sharer.

Questions that I find humorous:

You say in your FAQ that your page limit is 120. My scripts is 138. Is that okay? I got that question, I’m estimating, about 25 times. Answer: No, it is not okay. The limit is the limit. Why would the rules not apply to you, personally?

I turned my script in but then found errors, can I resubmit? I got that question at least 10 times. Answer: No, you cannot resubmit. Look, if your script is amazing, a few typos or errors will not stop a judge from enjoying it. Beyond that – this is not a dress rehearsal. Would you call and agent and say oh sorry, I found some errors, can I resubmit? No, you would not. Get it right the first time – act like a professional if you aspire to be one. It’s not fair to the other writers who worked their behinds off, combing through that script and making corrections.

I have earned over the limit of what you can earn, can I still submit? Uh, no, you cannot. The earnings limit is there for a reason – to keep the playing field as even as possible.

I know your FAQ says no adaptations but I have an adaptation, is that okay? I don’t understand the question. No adaptations. We want to see original work. Why? Because if you win, we are going to trot you out personally to meet some managers. And they’re going to know what kind of chops you’ve got as a writer. Adaptation is a many splendored thing – but we want to see what you can create from nothing and spin into gold dust.

I see that this is a feature competition but can I send in my short/tv script/play? Maybe in the future, but no, we are a feature competition only at this point.

I’m sorry to sound cranky; I’ve fielded so many of the same questions over and over, I’m just a little amazed by the lack of information-gathering and the chutzpah, honestly, to see if we can make an exception just for that writer.

In order to be fair to all writers, we have to set standards and rules and stick with them. The vast majority of entrants did their cotton pickin’ best to follow and adhere to all rules. Those are the writers to whom we owe absolute fairness.

We are taking a deep breath and preparing to judge the first round of scripts to find the quarter finalists. Rather than hiring readers we don’t know and that we pay very little, we are judging these scripts ourselves – myself and my partners, Margaux and Andrew. How can we do it? Coffee, taking a deep breath, and giving ourselves plenty of time to give each script its due. We figure, you worked hard to write your script, the least we owe you is our undivided attention.

What happens in first round judging? Well, that’s the round in which scripts are reviewed for basic formatting (you’d be surprised, you really would), an engaging first 30 pages with a clear premise, great dialogue and great character work. If a script in first round judging cannot manage to entertain, nail format and set up a clear premise in the first act, then that script cannot move on to a higher round of judging.

The higher a script moves up in the judging, the more scrutiny the script comes under. Think of this round of judging as the round that simulates real life the most closely. You send a script to an agent or manager and they can’t get through the first act? Into the circular file it goes. We will be returning snapshot notes to all scripts that don’t make it past this first round, so that writers can feel that rather than sending their script into the void and not knowing why they didn’t move up, they can review their brief notes and know that from where we sit, the script didn’t contain the engaging elements necessary to warrant further review. If we can’t tell what your premise is in the first act…you’re in a world of hurt. Or if we can and it’s basically some other movie, redux and not done as well…not good. If you used Word and the formatting is off – off you go. This first round is a litmus test for screenwriters. It’s the most fundamental sorting process of those writers who have “it” and those who just aren’t ready yet.

Someone asked me recently,Well, isn’t it possible that a script might have a weak first act but then it gets much better in the second act? Is that possible? No, not really. Because the first act is everything – it is the set-up, it establishes the world, it shows us whether you can write. If you can’t pull that off in the first act, the second act is irrelevant. Again, this is quite like the real world. Imagine that I am an agent. A very busy, overloaded agent. And I take your script home and read the first act and find errors, don’t get what your premise is, and am not in the least bit entertained. I’m done at that point. Why should I read 10 more pages or 20 more pages hoping the script will get better? I don’t know who you are and I don’t care. I have a job to do which is to find great scripts by writers who might make me the money I need to afford my kids’ private school and my leased BMW.

Entertainment is a highly competitive industry. In fact, competition pretty much defines it. It doesn’t matter how nice you are, or how cute, or how sincere. It only matters if your script is great.

First round judging is a little like speed dating. I sit down with your script, and you have about 15 minutes to blow my mind or I’m on to the next script. Judging gets much, much tricker when scripts are the semifinal level. The script has passed the good first act test. But now, does this script beautifully pay off the set-up? Can you tie it all together in a big bow of entertaining satisfaction? Look, this is tough stuff, make no mistake.

But secretly – I enjoy judging scripts. I so badly want every single writer to make it to the next level. I love opening script after script and wondering what world I will find. What characters will I meet? Where is my winner – the one writer who every judge agrees has got something special? It’s a little bit like searching for Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. Will I find the winning script? I found the second place script at the Blue Cat Competition several years ago and I remember clearly walking into Gordy’s office, slapping the script on his desk and proudly saying – I found it! (I thought it should have placed first but there you go). So it is with that same excitement that we prepare to find the winner of the 2009 Silver Screenwriting Competition. Maybe you’re reading this right now, Grand Prize winner! And if you are, I’m going to have such fun shopping for your cool prizes and driving you around LA to lunches and appointments. I can’t wait to read your script and be amazed. I can’t wait to meet you in person.

So – off we go. Now get back to work, Wavers. The clock is ticking.

What’s New With Josh Zetumer

Good morning, Wavers! And did everybody have a nice weekend? As the deadline approaches for the Silver Screenwriting Competition (May 1, mark it on your calendar!), Margaux Froley thought it would be a great time to get an update with Josh Zetumer. Josh will be dining with the Grand Prize winner this year, in case you forgot. So here’s the latest:

***

It’s been nearly a year since our last interview with Josh. He’s been hard at work finishing DUNE and even had time to do rewrite work on Guy Ritchie’s SHERLOCK HOLMES. Suffice it to say, Josh is still a “working screenwriter,” and I might even venture to say he’s one of those coveted Hollywood A-list writers. Despite his demanding schedule, Josh has agreed to have lunch with the Grand Prize winner of the Silver Screenwriting contest and answer a few questions for you Rouge Wavers.

Josh, last time we spoke you had just gotten the job for DUNE. At the time you mentioned your love of sandworms. After finishing a draft on that project, how do you feel about sandworms now?

Groan.

But really, that sounded like a very tough project to crack. How did adapting DUNE compare to writing something of your own on spec?

For me, this project was infinitely harder than a spec. I get to a point on most projects where I want to quit/have a near-panic attack. I’m beginning to realize, as horrible as that is, it’s all part of the creative process. It’s like an acid trip; it’s fun, but you know that for at least a couple hours you’re going to be fearing for your life. On DUNE this was especially intense. The book is amazing, but parts read like physics homework. There’s so much terminology, and so much is internal – characters second-guessing each other, trying to gauge situations. The key for me was to keep saying, “What can I do visually to express this idea?” I feel like this is a pretty important question you should be asking yourself on every screenplay. Show not tell.

As to the sandworms, yeah I still love them. What’s not to love? I’m just hoping they look cool onscreen.

You mentioned that you did some rewrite work on SHERLOCK HOLMES. How much prior SHERLOCK knowledge did you have going into that? What did you to do prepare for something like that?

I’d been a fan of the stories, but I definitely needed a refresher course. The crazy thing about some of these production rewrites (jobs where you’re rewriting the script just before or during filming) is that you usually have a matter of hours, not days, to decide if you’re taking the job. Then suddenly you’re on the clock, and that can be scary. On SHERLOCK I bought a book of short stories and was literally reading on the plane on the way to meet the producers. Doing research is normally one of my favorite parts of the process, but in this case there just wasn’t time. The nice thing was that Robert Downey Jr. had such a clear view of the character, it was easy to dive right in.

Sorry, I have to ask. How was Robert Downey, Jr. to work with?

I know this is the stock answer to the “What was so-and-so like to work with,” but in this case it’s 100% true: He’s incredible. Completely deserving of his celebrity. Hanging out with Robert is kind of like going to the carnival; you just follow him around, trying to write frantically while he drops one crazy/brilliant aphorism after another. The only thing is, he’s so charismatic and witty that he kind of turns everyone else into a satellite. You become Downey-adjacent. I think if I hung out with him on a regular basis I would develop serious self-esteem issues. I am not now, nor will I ever be, as cool as Robert Downey, Jr.

You have been steadily getting assignments in Hollywood for a few years now…even with your established track record, how do you feel about getting the next job?

Um…cautiously optimistic? Two years ago I probably would have said “terrified.” Like take-a-klonopin-and-go-to-sleep-shivering scared. I think generally my anxiety about work has become more manageable, but it still definitely lingers. You work so hard to get anywhere, and then the moment anything positive happens the first thing you tell yourself is, “This will not last. This is all going to be taken away.” It doesn’t help when you talk to older screenwriters and all they tell you is, “Enjoy it while you can, kid.” Seriously, any writer who’s spent more than 10 years in Hollywood turns into the grim f*cking reaper.

How important has your relationship with your representation (agent and manager) been in starting and then maintaining your career?

The most important thing in the world. If I could give only one piece of advice to first-time screenwriters it would be: Don’t write a script to sell it, write it to land an agent. Agents and managers read 10 to 15 scripts a weekend, three of them on the treadmill. So write a script that’s fun to read, that shows a distinct and confident voice, but don’t try to second-guess the marketplace. You can kill yourself following trends and trying to predict what will sell. A lot of people also ask, “Why do you need both an agent and manager?” This may not be true for everyone, but in my experience, having both has been invaluable. A manager can produce, and that can be helpful landing gigs. My first studio job – writing a movie called THE INFILTRATOR for Leonardo Dicaprio – was something my manager was producing. Managers and agents also have incentive to set you up with their director clients, so that can be very helpful as well.

If I were an unrepresented screenwriter with a terrific spec, what do you think my best options would be for launching my career?

First move to Los Angeles. It’s hard enough to get anyone to notice you in Hollywood. It’s even harder if you’re living in Maine. Some people do the query letter thing – sending unsolicited scripts to agents – but I don’t know any instances of this actually working (that’s not to say it can’t happen, it just seems like a longshot). A big part of being a screenwriter is hustling, selling yourself. You need to be very proactive. Enter as many screenwriting contests as you can. Read blogs. Try to meet people who are connected to talent agencies. All it really takes to get the ball rolling is one person who believes in you. This can be an indie producer, a writer who has an agent, etc. In my case it was two guys: a writer named Chris McKenna who gave my spec to his agent, and an assistant named Mark Tuohy who gave the script to his boss, a packaging agent. I went to high school with Chris, and Mark I met through an old girlfriend, so you never know where these connections will come from. It’s either that or get creative. Become a valet, find out where Steven Spielberg eats lunch, and leave your spec on the passenger seat. Actually, I’m sure he gets that all the time.

Thank you, Josh. Is – is that a sandworm??

Ha.

All righty, Wavers. Get back to work. And don’t forget, May 1st looms, so get those scripts in and you just might be the person asking Josh about life in the fast lane.