Just Effing Entertain Me

Christmas Letter Competition

You know those annoying Christmas letters that people sometimes send? With pictures of their kids, grandkids and new car? The one detailing all the (relatively) boring life events or successes that they’ve experienced? Those letters which really should be written as a journal entry but not sent to like 225 people? A friend read aloud one she received the other day and we both groaned and laughed. I get the desire to share with and update people. Hell, a letter like that is also a good way to look at the year past and evaluate progress, praise success and look back upon hardship with new perspective. But it’s not really for sharing, is it?

Or is it?

Here’s our Christmas competition this year and we’re going totally outside the box on this one. Let’s take the Christmas letter and make it effing entertaining. You can send up the Christmas letter or you can write one that is really impactful and meaningful. You can do anything you want. But if your Christmas letter (addressed as if to a large mailing list of friends and family) is the most effing entertaining letter, you win.

So here we go:

GUIDELINES & RULES
The Christmas Letter shall be no more than 500 words. It can be of any tone – funny, sad, provocative, optimistic or pessimistic. It just has to be – wait for it – effing entertaining. Address the letter as if you are writing it to a large group of family and friends – en masse.

Please write CHRISTMAS LETTER COMPETITION in the subject line of your email.

DEADLINE
Tuesday December 20th, 8pm PST.

PRIZE
$25 gift certificate to Amazon, iTunes or Starbucks. Winner’s choice.

Submit your beautiful, funny, poignant, horrifying, droll, Mamet-like (anything goes!) effing entertaining Christmas Letter HERE.

I Am Writing Challenge

You knew it wouldn’t take me long to come up with another fun writing exercise, right? Of course not. I’m like the coach who just keeps making you guys do laps and push-ups! The other day, when Ian Simpson and I had lunch with Shane Black, we asked him what gets him through rough times. Writing, he said. I just kept writing. Ian and I talked later about how writing is our refuge and our friend, come hell or high water. Just keep your head down and keep writing. Ian will attest to how many writers and managers gave that same advice over and over (and over) again in the meetings he took.

Readers of Just Effing also know that I am a proponent of writing ALL kinds of things, too, not just your script. But I also like the writing exercises here to have a causal effect on your screenwriting, whether that be character development, structure, action lines or theme.

So here’s the challenge:

Write no more than 300 words that describe who you are, what you like, and what you want in a way that is thematically circular, has haiku-like beauty and is ultimately life-affirming and uplifting for YOU. We don’t need laundry lists, in other words. I like caramel, so do you – but can you make that in some way beautiful and meaningful within the context of the whole “I Am” assignment? Can you write this assignment in a way that has universality for others reading it?

And after you’re done turning this in, can you write this from the point of view of your main character?

In case this assignment is confusing, here is a template of what I mean:

I am…(x10)
I like…(x5)
I want…(x5)

In other words:

I am a sister, a mother, a daughter
I am a knitter, a cook, a reader
I am…(add seven more lines for a total of 10)

I like reading in bed and hearing the rain
I like good news and nachos and laughing hard
I like (add two more lines for a total of five)

I want to travel to Istanbul, to build an igloo and to dive for pearls
I want a sense of well-being wherever I go
I want (add two more lines for a total of five)

Deadline: Monday, November 8th

Prize for best 300 word “I Am” essay: $25 Amazon gift certificate.

Top three submissions will be posted here on November 10th.

SUBMIT HERE

Top Three Short Scenes

So here they are, the top three short scenes for the Bengal tiger, Krakatoa, hot air balloon competition. I was going to announce them later this week but I read through them with such relish, it was hard narrowing it down to the top three!

I have to thank EVERYBODY for participating; I absolutely love opening each submission and marveling at the huge variety of ideas that you guys have. It’s absolutely incredible to see the wild differences between what comes up for one writer compared to another. It’s truly endless.

The final votes will be counted on Saturday, July 31st. Or like, Sunday when I wake up. Either way.

Prizes:
A $25 Amazon gift certificate PLUS a free 15 minute phone consult with me, Julie Gray!

So here we go, we have, for your consideration:

Teddy, Are You There? by Millar Prescott
Shit Creek by Ron Cecchini
The Tiger and The Lady by Liz Holliday

Voting:
Look for the short scene that contained the most effing entertainment and cleverest use of the key words. Did the scene have a beginning (set up), a middle (complication) and an end (resolution)? Vote on the poll BELOW:

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Other Stuff

…thank you to Gina Surles for such a fun conversation we had yesterday, a propos of her winning the Parakeet, Waltz, Sumatra competition! Gina also received a $25 Amazon gift certificate for her trouble. Gina, you’re a real sweetheart; I enjoyed chatting!!

The Silver Screenwriting Competition’s regular deadline is up this very Saturday, May 15 before we extend for a final two weeks to June 1. Please get those scripts in on time, all right, folks? The dates are firm and unmovable. Just think – lunch with Shane Black and me! And a new computer! And a trip to Los Angeles! And cash! Darn if I can’t enter this competition myself! Well, I’ll be there for the fun parts, so I’m excited already!