Just Effing Entertain Me

SEO this!

Being a blogger who also owns and runs a few businesses, I am assailed, day and night, with offers to improve my “SEO”. What does SEO even mean?

Search Engine Optimization – or, in English, ways to make more people go to your site.

SEO SEO SEO – it is everywhere. Google rankings and average hits per hour, week, month.

At a certain point in time (and it’s not very far out, believe me) it all becomes academic. What do “hits” to your site really mean, from a qualitative point of view? What about the bounce rate, the bot rate, the repeat or unique visitors? What is really relevant?

Effers, what am I going to say?

CONTENT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING!!!

You can SEO your blog until you’re blue in the face, but content is what keeps readers coming back.

By the way – are you blogging?

Let me digress. The other day at Warner Bros., I taught a class called Content is King: A Look at Venues for Writing. Or something like that. The hour long workshop was focused on finding appropriate venues for your writing, whether that be fiction, non, blogging, journaling, screenwriting, novel or short story writing, poetry, copywriting or technical writing.

That’s right. I taught something other than solely screenwriting. Which, while one of my favorite things, is a pretty damn narrow, thankless path. Not that it’s not worth pursuing, not that it’s not a valuable skill set and experience, but I am on a tear about really showing writers that the best way to tempt a writing career into being is to widen the net and write in more than one format simultaneously.

Blogging is a great way to create a platform (a readership) for yourself. It also lets off creative steam, hopefully touches your readership and works out your writing chops.

Good blogs:

- Are unique and uniquely entertaining.
-Teach something new or discuss something provocatively
-Enrich and engage your readers.
-Are updated frequently.
-Are both universal and very specific.

Bad blogs:

-Are personal and self-referential except that nobody knows who you are.
-Whine, bitch or complain.
-Are inconsequential beyond your immediate family.
-Are stark, plain and unappealing visually.
-Are updated sporadically.
-Are static in terms of content, look and feel.

Don’t get called to the barren rocks by the SEO siren. If you are a blogger (and I hope that you are) remember that your first duty is to effing entertain. Bring something new and different to the table. Make me want to return to your site and engage with it for some time.

And for those of you who might need help in revving up your blog, click HERE for a quick-n-dirty blog evaluation I’ll do for you.

Just Effing Quarterfinalist Judging Announcement

Well I hate to do this to you kids who entered the JFEME competition, but it’s all your fault.

I don’t know it’s whether it’s the cumulative effect of experience and learning you’ve been doing, or whether it’s that much more experienced screenwriters entered the competition, or whether our published judging guidelines which describe the process and ultimately, the way we have made clear that while in the first round scripts are judged on a strict numeric rating system and then in later rounds are judged almost solely on entertainment value and quality of writing – you guys raised the bar and this year we are having a very tough time narrowing down the quarterfinalist list.

The judging coordinator and I spent two days this past holiday weekend going through the scripts. On a number of occasions, I have found myself reading into the 2nd act before reminding myself that I have other scripts to look at. There do seem to be a large number of horror scripts submitted this year, interestingly enough. Lots of really great concepts in every genre, in fact. There’s something in the water or in the air but I’m mystified and delighted to have such a problem as too many good scripts. Ergo,

…we will be announcing the quarterfinalists by the end of this week and probably sooner. Check here on the blog and of course on the competition page here on the blog.

Less than 2 Days Left!

This is it for 2011.

We are in the final few hours left to submit to the Just Effing Entertain Me (formerly Silver Screenwriting) Competition! Get those scripts in before Tuesday, June 1st at midnight, PST for a chance to win lunch with Simpsons writer Dan McGrath, a brand new iPad and a trip to LA and a stay at the über hip Farmer’s Daughter, across the street from CBS Television City! Spend three days living the dream, meeting agents, managers and having a marathon consult with yours truly, Julie Gray.

Don’t take my word for it: previous winners say it all.
ENTER NOW or weep when you read the winner’s blog about their fabulous week in LA!

Top Ten Things to Do When the World Doesn’t End Tomorrow

It’s all the rage, this world ending tomorrow. Mostly, I can’t wait to hear what those believers say after it doesn’t happen but, you know, you wonder, right? I mean, what if tomorrow slash today IS the last day on earth? What would you do? Eat cake? Rob a bank? I jest.

I’m pretty certain that tomorrow will come and go the way so many days do. But then – we don’t want to go through time that way, do we? Just letting the days pass without them building up to or meaning something? It’s awful to think that our lives have not meant something and left something behind.

And so I urge you, dear readers, to make every day and every opportunity count. And one of those opportunities is quickly fading and that is the chance to enter the Just Effing Entertain Me Feature Competition before the June 1st deadline. We are getting hundreds of scripts and I delight in reading the cover letters, synopses and titles. I’m like a kid in a candy store. I cannot WAIT for the judges to give me the very top scripts so I can read them and see who I’m going to spend a whole week with, hanging out, taking meetings, getting a new tat (okay I shouldn’t get another one but c’mon!) and helping that writer develop his or her career.

So. If you’re still alive and kicking Sunday, which I suspect you will be, enter the Just Effing Entertain Me Screenwriting Competition and come out to LA and have fun with me. June 1st is the deadline!

JFEME Screenwriting Competition HORROR Genre Judge!

The Just Effing Entertain Me Screenwriting Competition is awarding genre prizes this year and I’m very pleased to announce that the top finalists in the horror genre will be judged by G. Cameron Romero, a friend of mine who’s father just happens to be… you got it… George Romero. Cameron is a horror director and producer in his own right and let me tell you, he lives and breathes horror. We’re good friends which is an odd match because I’m a bit of a fraidy cat, but there you go.

Cameron is an afficionado of the genre and not only has some pretty scary horror films under his belt but a pretty big project coming up that I’m really excited about. He is also another one of those Hollywood people with great intelligence, wit and a breadth of knowledge of film that is astounding. The horror movie that most scared Cam when he was a kid? Suspira. His favorite of his dad’s films? The first one, of course. Night of the Living Dead. Cameron has grown up around zombies, poor kid!

So you horror writers out there who think you have a good script to enter into the competition – you’ll be judged by somebody with quite a pedigree. Don’t let that make you nervous – let it inspire you!

So we’ve got one of Hollywood’s most successful comedy writers, Dan McGrath as part of the Grand Prize (well, you don’t actually win Dan, you get to have lunch with Dan) and one of Hollywood’s most pedigreed horror director/producers to judge the horror genre winner. From one extreme to the other! Who knows who or what else I will be able to throw into the competition – that’s how we roll – so don’t miss out!

Deadline for the competition is June 1st, so be ready!

Format 101: Slug and Action Lines

I enjoy teaching and talking about everything from why I love movies to how to dig deeper into your character work to how to use sluglines correctly. And the readership of JE would indicate that the needs and wants of learning about writing are all up and down the scale. So today I’ve reposted a simple how-to approach to slug and action lines for newer writers:

A slugline, which indicates where a scene is taking place, includes three elements: INT. (interior) EXT. (exterior), location and time of day. So we might have:

INT. JULIE’S OFFICE – DAY

Notice that all must be capitalized. If you use Final Draft, this aspect of the formatting is automatic.

There are only two choices when it comes to interior or exterior – INT. or EXT.

Location can be anywhere – just make sure to make it both simple and descriptive. Sounds like a contradiction, right? Well, let’s do a little exercise:

EXT. A BARN – DAY

Pretty interesting, huh? Not. But how about if we try this:

EXT. A DILAPIDATED 19TH CENTURY BARN – DAY

Okay, now we’re being much more specific, right? Or how about:

EXT. A BRIGHT RED BARN – DAY

Different barn altogether, yes?

Time of day should really be limited to the following choices:

DAY
NIGHT
DUSK
DAWN
LATER
MOMENTS LATER

In other words, you would never say:

EXT. A BROKE DOWN, WASHED OUT GREY BARN – AROUND 10AM

…because it would be ever so NOT done. Or, you know, not “industry standard”.

Now. Let’s talk about action lines. Action lines are the bits that come after the slug.

So we have:

EXT. A LOW-SLUNG DAIRY BARN – DAY

DREW MACMILLIAN (52) staggers out into the sunshine. His left arm drips blood.

VIOLET MACMILLAN (O.S.)
I TOLD you not to come into the barn!!

Okay we’ve got a ton of stuff we could learn from here. We’ve got Drew staggering out of the barn. The action line is where the, um, ACTION happens. Notice that the action line is written in the present simple tense: Drew staggers.

Many new writers, not knowing better, write action lines in what we would technically call the “present continuous tense”:

Violet is swinging a rake. WRONG! Taser in your neck!

Violet swings a rake. RIGHT! Have a cupcake!

Stepping away from grammar labels momentarily, the reason the first example is not appropriate for a script is that it distances the reader from the action in a small but subtle way. So rather than being in the scene with Violet, in a sensory way, we are distanced because you are telling me what she is doing. I don’t watch it myself – you narrate it to me. As if I am a sight-challenged person. Violet is swinging a rake. Oh hey, thanks for that, are my underpants on the outside, too?

When an action line is written properly, I observe the action myself. I watch it happen. You aren’t telling me it’s happening, it just IS happening. I am the observer and I see Violet as she swings the rake.

Let’s see what else…

EXT. A WHITE CLAPBOARD BARN– DAY

DREW MACMILLAN (52) staggers out into the sunshine. His left arm drips blood.

VIOLET MACMILLAN (O.S.)
I TOLD you not to come into the barn!

All -cap when introducing a new character and in general, put age in brackets.

Notice that I used (O.S.) rather than (V.O.) in Violet’s dialogue? O.S. stands for “off screen”. Some people use (O.C.) or “off camera”. In Hollywood, we mostly do (O.S.). So it literally means that the character who has spoken is somewhere IN this scene but we just cannot see them. She’s behind the door, inside the barn with her rake,

(V.O.) means “voice over” so that would mean that the character speaking the words is nowhere near this scene but rather is narrating it from the past, from the future or maybe from the comfort of his or her living room or jail cell. So we might have:

EXT. A CON-AG INDUSTRIAL BARN – DAY

DREW MACMILLAN (52) staggers out into the sunshine. His left arm drips blood.

VIOLET MACMILLAN (V.O.)
I TOLD him not to go in the barn.

You’ll often hear “show it don’t say it” in action lines. Well, yes, a more fundamental screenwriting rule would be hard to find. But what the devil does it mean?

Well, pretend you are a Hollywood script reader for a moment and you run across this in an action line:

Violet and Drew have been friends since high school.

Or –

Drew enjoys impressing the other farmers even though he’s broke.

Or –

Violet has a hot temper.

***********************

As a basic reality check, action lines do not appear on the screen, correct? So using that as a jumping off point, does everybody see what is patently wrong with these examples?

Go ahead. Look back up at those examples. I’ll wait…

So what does “They’ve been friends since high school” look like in an action line? It looks like NOTHING because you have told me, not shown me. So, if you’re needing to show that two characters have been friends since high school, don’t TELL me that in an action line – EVIDENCE me that in the actions that are going on. Such as:

VIOLET: I’m so fat! I can’t fit into this dress!
DREW: Aw hon, you’re as beautiful as you were at senior prom.

There are so many creative ways to let us know that these two have been together since high school. This can be indicated in dialogue or it might be indicated by possessions, shared memories, or even someone else making a comment. Don’t cop out and simply announce to us what this relationship is. It’s lazy writing, it doesn’t work, it is the mark of an amateur and it will get you a PASS.

On the other hand, crafty and skillful writers can say things in action lines like:

Violet crouches down in the hay. Wishing she were anywhere but here.

Drew sharpens a knife calmly. Never can be too sharp.

Violet sits up, frightened.

Why can you get away with things like this? Because these are sentiments generally accompanied by facial expressions or body language. Can you picture Violet sitting up, frightened? How about if she sat up, annoyed? Or sat up, confused? See how she’d look different in each instance just by that single word choice?

Remember – show it, don’t say it. Evidence things, do not list them.

To summarize:

Action lines SHOULD:

Be like haiku: brief, economical and as sensory and colorful as possible

ALL CAP and briefly describe new characters – even extras like the NURSE.

Always show do not tell. Evidence how your character feels. Do not make a list.

Be written in the present simple tense.

Action lines SHOULD:

NOT be dense and long-winded. Try to keep them to about 4 lines. Particularly on your first few pages.

NOT be so brief that they are choppy and weird sounding. Don’t economize so much you leave out the fundamentals of sentence structure.

NOT ever talk to the reader. Do not tell us how we should feel in this moment. Do not tell the camera what to do. Do not give music instructions or set design ideas. Just tell your story. In fact, if there’s one DO NOT about action lines this might just be the most critical one because having these types of instructions on your pages will mark you as an amateur faster than it took you to read this sentence.

That’s the long and short of it!

Procrastination Getting You Down?

Well – it should. In the past few weeks I have had more writers come to me and say remember that GREAT idea I had two years ago, that was WAY on top of the zeitgeist and so high concept?! Well, I never did get it done and now I see a spec sale of the same idea.

Womp woooomp.

That, guys can be the price you pay for hatching great ideas but not acting on them. Keep yourself organized. Your ideas, your loglines, your scripts, your character work. Use a calendar and if you can, a script buddy who will keep you on track. It’s that important. Great ideas are a dime a dozen unless they are not only executed well but actually executed. Particularly high concept ideas because those do float around in the ether. If you don’t write that script, somebody else will. And you’ll be left with half a script or outline and a very bitter taste in your mouth.

Best and Brightest Writer’s Salon

Take a good look at these faces. These are just a few of the best, brightest, most talented and committed writers I have worked with in Los Angeles. If I could add writers from other states and countries, we’d have to make a pyramid or use bleachers to fit everyone in! I won’t label this pic with names just in case any of these brilliant eggheads has any dubious or notorious misdeeds they need to hide from the general public

Today we met for our maiden Sunday Salon. Our first gathering, we’ll be honest, was a cocktail party. But starting now, we are meeting once each month for this writing super group
during which we meet for a short writing exercise or lesson and give each other updates on our writing statuses. Then we have snacks and we write. Before we adjourn for the month, each writer sits with me to confirm goals to be achieved before the next meeting.

I can’t tell you how wonderful the energy in that room was today. I love my job – great writers humble me. Membership in the Best & Brightest is intentionally very exclusive; these writers are all on a very high level of their writing potential. I have worked with some for years. I’d love to host a beginner or intermediate writing group down the line. Let me know if you’re interested!

Updates and Miscellaneous Effluvia

This article about Charlie Sheen is exceptionally well written and speaks to an undercurrent I have been feeling ever since he landed on the front page of every paper, which is…REALLY?

So here’s some great writing for you on the topic of Sheen and who is really “winning”.

In other news, the Los Angeles workshop this Saturday, March 19th is completely and totally full, apologies to those who have inquired after seats.

For those Bay-Area-ites who follow this blog, there are still a few seats left in the Berkeley class on March 26th and for resies of Chi-town, there are some seats on April 10th.

For readers who have been cah-raving a short scene competition, there is one in the works that will be posted via a new business partner of mine, Circalit. This means while I will be judging, you will be competing with a much larger group of writers. The pressure is on! Announcement coming soon!

I’m excited about recommending writers to Circalit – their business model is similar to that of Ink Tip’s with one huge difference – you have to be recommended to be on the site. So the good news for buyers is that the material on the site has been pre-vetted and recommended. The good news for those recommended writers is that those perusing the site don’t have to wade through the usual flotsam and jetsam that an inexpensive membership affords random submitters.

Just Effing Entertain Me for REALZ: A Rebel Yell

Well, it finally happened. I’ve seen the light. And I’m way behind the curve.

I have long bemoaned the monolithic studio system, a system which effectively subverts true creativity by, python like, ingesting all in its path and then regurgitating pablum. A system that demands that risk be ameliorated by committee and spat out onto screens all over the nation giving us tepid entertainment. Before anyone points out this or that great film, like INCEPTION or THE SOCIAL NETWORK, let me clarify, there are exceptions. But increasingly, true creativity in Hollywood is discouraged, as corporations make creative decisions based on risk-averse calculations which ultimate in, let’s be honest -  bad films. I’m not going to be polite here; when Candyland the game is in development, the end is near. It is inarguable that Hollywood is in its death throes.

So it is with the publishing industry. An industry that has been beset by the slow motion democratization of self-publishing. Publishing houses are a dying breed. You’ve heard that before. So have I. But I never truly believed it because I am a book snob: Maxwell Perkins, Thomas Wolfe, Simon and Schuster! I own hundreds of books, many of them rare books that I treasure. I’m old school. I’m a book nerd. I read “The New Yorker” like a crack addict.

I have ignored the tremors within the publishing and film industries for years now but it’s no longer something I can ignore. I’d get profoundly depressed about this except for organizations like Slamdance that keep the true spirit of filmmaking alive. Hollywood has a big surprise coming its way in the form of the resurgence of true indy film.

And New York (the center of the publishing world) has already suffered what amounts to a paper cut in the form of self-publishing. Self-publish. The words themselves connote “bad writing,” don’t they? Sure, sure, anyone can self-publish. Yes, that’s true. And self-publishing has unleashed a wave of all kinds of writing onto the market. But guess what? People only purchase and appreciate good writing. So the proof is in the sales.  And everybody wants their book to sell, else why publish? Sure, sure, there are vanity writers who self-publish to say please observe – I have a book. But many others are creating careers out of their printed word because of sales.

In the past, writers had to be vetted by publishers, agents, managers and other miscellaneous Hollywood flotsam and jetsam before they could run the marathon and then the public would decide who had the best book or movie at the cash register. Now, anyone can enter the marathon but not everybody can win. The public still decides. On their Kindles, iPads and cell phones and computers.

It’s long been true that romance is the best-selling genre in the book world. But you won’t see that reflected on the “New York Times” best seller list.

I give you Amanda Hocking. Twenty-six year old millionaire. Are her $3.00 romance ebooks great literature? I shall aver to the fact that I have not read them but on the other hand, admit I probably wouldn’t. Millionaire. We can all lift our noses and recoil – romance! Ebooks! Three dollars! But guess what – Hocking is selling her books hand over fist. They are, apparently, effing entertaining.

Yes, anybody can self-publish. But not everybody will be successful unless the material is effing entertaining. It’s quite old-fashioned, really. We’ve entered a new golden age for writing, filmmaking and music. All three industries have suffered the consequences of new forms of distribution. Random House need never have worried, 10 years ago, that I could order a book for my Kindle for three bucks rather than purchase a hard copy for 25 – and enjoy it as much.

Publishers exert formidable control and give the author minimal profit. A typical book deal might proffer the author a laughable 15% of sales. AFTER the publisher and the publisher only authorizes the title, the artwork, the layout and the manuscript itself. Somewhere along the line, the individuality of the author goes missing. And all for the privilege of 15%. And your reading has been pre-masticated for your pleasure.

Most of us are hardwired to fear change. I am too. But this sea change is undeniable and inexorable. It hasn’t been sudden, it’s been creeping up for awhile. To wit: the blog. Blogging has exploded the ability of people around the world to express their opinions on a variety of topics. Suddenly voices are heard when before there was no platform for them. And yes, as in life, there are a lot of bad bloggers. But bad blogging doesn’t tend to survive. Nobody really enjoys blogging if nobody is reading the blog, me included. I love to check my stats to see how many of you are out there. I love knowing that a particular article got a lot of hits. That tells me I entertained you. That, for me, is the true satisfaction of writing. To illuminate, provoke and inform. To entertain you. And who is the arbiter of that? A publishing house or the you, the reader?

When one is told that one’s book title is too “glib” and that one’s point of view is “too quirky” even though one’s blog is wildly popular, which would indicate the opposite, one tends to entertain other avenues because one tends to trust one’s readership, rather than a publisher who would like their catalog to be homogeneous. Count me out.

I am tired of, Pied Piper-like, directing screenwriters to write more “straight-up-the-middle” scripts that are “high concept” enough to attract risk-averse buyers who will say that they like your voice but can you just make the main character “more castable” or the premise “more familiar for audiences?” Good story telling is good storytelling. Trying to shove a square peg through a round hole is soul-killing. I’m much more excited about telling writers the absolute truth about their writing so they can improve it and find a way to express their vision – whether onscreen or as a book. I am practicing what I have been preaching for some time. The difference between good writers and great writers is that great writers say EFF IT and write with courage.

Do you really need a manager, i.e., someone between your work and buyers? Someone to “brand” you and to make your work more easily digested by Hollywood? Someone to inform you whether or not your ideas are good? Increasingly, I think not. But you do have to know how to make sure your work is as GREAT as it can be, on every page, in every word, whether it be a script, a novel, a memoir or an essay. And you do need to know how to get your work in front of buyers. Managers should be free agents who work with writers for a fee, for a limited time, in order to leverage their writing and careers upward and that’s it. Fly, little birdie, fly. These are the days of miracles and wonders. This is a wake up call.

Yes, it’s more work to market your writing, screenwriting or music yourself. It feels daunting as hell. How do you KNOW if your writing is really good? It is hard to know. Nobody wants to embarrass themselves by putting out bad writing, thinking it is good. But for too long, we have allowed ourselves to believe that we cannot write or be published without the approval of an authority figure like a publisher. That we have to have a lawyer (hello, Legal Zoom) or a doctor (hello, Web MD) to tell us how we are or what to do. Today we can go around these false authority figures (caveat: doctors are still necessary; but you can probably figure out why you have that rash and put oatmeal on it) and make our own decisions. The internet has altered the world and continues to do so. Monoliths are crumbling, as are the old ways of getting your writing (read: heart) out there.

I for one, am excited about this brave new world. I’m excited to hear new voices in music, film and writing. Love it or hate it, the future is here to stay. Do I want writers to write the BEST material they are capable of, whether that’s for a self-published book or an indy film? Of course. And if you don’t want or feel you need feedback? Good on ya. Let ‘er rip; I love me a good rebel.

What’s my role in all of this when it comes to you? I can give you tips and ideas for writing better characters, for writing from your heart, for how to market yourself and your work – but I will no longer serve up bullshit about chasing down a dream in a dying industry. If you want to make millions screenwriting, you’re about 20 years too late. If you want to write one script (or book) and become famous, you were never realistic. If you want to write something that is effing entertaining, if you want to become a better writer in the process, if you need help staying disciplined, positive and productive – I and many like me can be there for you as teachers, mentors and coaches. Oh sure, I can teach you how to (something too rude to print here) Hollywood and play the game. I can do that just fine. If that’s what you’d prefer. Or I can teach you how to be a passionate, cinematic, productive, fearless, eff the establishment rebel writer who is too good to ignore. It’s your call.

I know that for every blood-sucking, creativity and soul-killing rewrite and low-ball offer there is also a new Christopher Nolan or Terrence Malick or P.T. Anderson just waiting to say EFF IT and make a film or write a book or sculpt something that blows our minds. I raise my glass to you indy mavericks who don’t take no for an answer. Just one hint: Look outside of the system because it is definitely of a down.

I am not advocating for a world of self-published, self-produced crap. Rather, I am advocating that we eff the establishment, write our hearts out, empower ourselves, make our own choices and kick some ass. We can do better for ourselves, for our readers and for our viewers. But first we have got to stop suckling off the teat of a diseased cow and thinking success and art will be borne of that.

Can you write the next INCEPTION? Maybe. But Hollywood is going to do everything in its power to stop you from writing something truly creative. It is rumored that Nolan was allowed INCEPTION as a bribe so he’d stick around and direct the next BATMAN. God love him and lucky us, he won out both coming and going.

I’m taking the goldfish. Who’s with me?