Just Effing Entertain Me

Just Effing Entertain Me for REALZ: A Rebel Yell

Well, it finally happened. I’ve seen the light. And I’m way behind the curve.

I have long bemoaned the monolithic studio system, a system which effectively subverts true creativity by, python like, ingesting all in its path and then regurgitating pablum. A system that demands that risk be ameliorated by committee and spat out onto screens all over the nation giving us tepid entertainment. Before anyone points out this or that great film, like INCEPTION or THE SOCIAL NETWORK, let me clarify, there are exceptions. But increasingly, true creativity in Hollywood is discouraged, as corporations make creative decisions based on risk-averse calculations which ultimate in, let’s be honest -  bad films. I’m not going to be polite here; when Candyland the game is in development, the end is near. It is inarguable that Hollywood is in its death throes.

So it is with the publishing industry. An industry that has been beset by the slow motion democratization of self-publishing. Publishing houses are a dying breed. You’ve heard that before. So have I. But I never truly believed it because I am a book snob: Maxwell Perkins, Thomas Wolfe, Simon and Schuster! I own hundreds of books, many of them rare books that I treasure. I’m old school. I’m a book nerd. I read “The New Yorker” like a crack addict.

I have ignored the tremors within the publishing and film industries for years now but it’s no longer something I can ignore. I’d get profoundly depressed about this except for organizations like Slamdance that keep the true spirit of filmmaking alive. Hollywood has a big surprise coming its way in the form of the resurgence of true indy film.

And New York (the center of the publishing world) has already suffered what amounts to a paper cut in the form of self-publishing. Self-publish. The words themselves connote “bad writing,” don’t they? Sure, sure, anyone can self-publish. Yes, that’s true. And self-publishing has unleashed a wave of all kinds of writing onto the market. But guess what? People only purchase and appreciate good writing. So the proof is in the sales.  And everybody wants their book to sell, else why publish? Sure, sure, there are vanity writers who self-publish to say please observe – I have a book. But many others are creating careers out of their printed word because of sales.

In the past, writers had to be vetted by publishers, agents, managers and other miscellaneous Hollywood flotsam and jetsam before they could run the marathon and then the public would decide who had the best book or movie at the cash register. Now, anyone can enter the marathon but not everybody can win. The public still decides. On their Kindles, iPads and cell phones and computers.

It’s long been true that romance is the best-selling genre in the book world. But you won’t see that reflected on the “New York Times” best seller list.

I give you Amanda Hocking. Twenty-six year old millionaire. Are her $3.00 romance ebooks great literature? I shall aver to the fact that I have not read them but on the other hand, admit I probably wouldn’t. Millionaire. We can all lift our noses and recoil – romance! Ebooks! Three dollars! But guess what – Hocking is selling her books hand over fist. They are, apparently, effing entertaining.

Yes, anybody can self-publish. But not everybody will be successful unless the material is effing entertaining. It’s quite old-fashioned, really. We’ve entered a new golden age for writing, filmmaking and music. All three industries have suffered the consequences of new forms of distribution. Random House need never have worried, 10 years ago, that I could order a book for my Kindle for three bucks rather than purchase a hard copy for 25 – and enjoy it as much.

Publishers exert formidable control and give the author minimal profit. A typical book deal might proffer the author a laughable 15% of sales. AFTER the publisher and the publisher only authorizes the title, the artwork, the layout and the manuscript itself. Somewhere along the line, the individuality of the author goes missing. And all for the privilege of 15%. And your reading has been pre-masticated for your pleasure.

Most of us are hardwired to fear change. I am too. But this sea change is undeniable and inexorable. It hasn’t been sudden, it’s been creeping up for awhile. To wit: the blog. Blogging has exploded the ability of people around the world to express their opinions on a variety of topics. Suddenly voices are heard when before there was no platform for them. And yes, as in life, there are a lot of bad bloggers. But bad blogging doesn’t tend to survive. Nobody really enjoys blogging if nobody is reading the blog, me included. I love to check my stats to see how many of you are out there. I love knowing that a particular article got a lot of hits. That tells me I entertained you. That, for me, is the true satisfaction of writing. To illuminate, provoke and inform. To entertain you. And who is the arbiter of that? A publishing house or the you, the reader?

When one is told that one’s book title is too “glib” and that one’s point of view is “too quirky” even though one’s blog is wildly popular, which would indicate the opposite, one tends to entertain other avenues because one tends to trust one’s readership, rather than a publisher who would like their catalog to be homogeneous. Count me out.

I am tired of, Pied Piper-like, directing screenwriters to write more “straight-up-the-middle” scripts that are “high concept” enough to attract risk-averse buyers who will say that they like your voice but can you just make the main character “more castable” or the premise “more familiar for audiences?” Good story telling is good storytelling. Trying to shove a square peg through a round hole is soul-killing. I’m much more excited about telling writers the absolute truth about their writing so they can improve it and find a way to express their vision – whether onscreen or as a book. I am practicing what I have been preaching for some time. The difference between good writers and great writers is that great writers say EFF IT and write with courage.

Do you really need a manager, i.e., someone between your work and buyers? Someone to “brand” you and to make your work more easily digested by Hollywood? Someone to inform you whether or not your ideas are good? Increasingly, I think not. But you do have to know how to make sure your work is as GREAT as it can be, on every page, in every word, whether it be a script, a novel, a memoir or an essay. And you do need to know how to get your work in front of buyers. Managers should be free agents who work with writers for a fee, for a limited time, in order to leverage their writing and careers upward and that’s it. Fly, little birdie, fly. These are the days of miracles and wonders. This is a wake up call.

Yes, it’s more work to market your writing, screenwriting or music yourself. It feels daunting as hell. How do you KNOW if your writing is really good? It is hard to know. Nobody wants to embarrass themselves by putting out bad writing, thinking it is good. But for too long, we have allowed ourselves to believe that we cannot write or be published without the approval of an authority figure like a publisher. That we have to have a lawyer (hello, Legal Zoom) or a doctor (hello, Web MD) to tell us how we are or what to do. Today we can go around these false authority figures (caveat: doctors are still necessary; but you can probably figure out why you have that rash and put oatmeal on it) and make our own decisions. The internet has altered the world and continues to do so. Monoliths are crumbling, as are the old ways of getting your writing (read: heart) out there.

I for one, am excited about this brave new world. I’m excited to hear new voices in music, film and writing. Love it or hate it, the future is here to stay. Do I want writers to write the BEST material they are capable of, whether that’s for a self-published book or an indy film? Of course. And if you don’t want or feel you need feedback? Good on ya. Let ‘er rip; I love me a good rebel.

What’s my role in all of this when it comes to you? I can give you tips and ideas for writing better characters, for writing from your heart, for how to market yourself and your work – but I will no longer serve up bullshit about chasing down a dream in a dying industry. If you want to make millions screenwriting, you’re about 20 years too late. If you want to write one script (or book) and become famous, you were never realistic. If you want to write something that is effing entertaining, if you want to become a better writer in the process, if you need help staying disciplined, positive and productive – I and many like me can be there for you as teachers, mentors and coaches. Oh sure, I can teach you how to (something too rude to print here) Hollywood and play the game. I can do that just fine. If that’s what you’d prefer. Or I can teach you how to be a passionate, cinematic, productive, fearless, eff the establishment rebel writer who is too good to ignore. It’s your call.

I know that for every blood-sucking, creativity and soul-killing rewrite and low-ball offer there is also a new Christopher Nolan or Terrence Malick or P.T. Anderson just waiting to say EFF IT and make a film or write a book or sculpt something that blows our minds. I raise my glass to you indy mavericks who don’t take no for an answer. Just one hint: Look outside of the system because it is definitely of a down.

I am not advocating for a world of self-published, self-produced crap. Rather, I am advocating that we eff the establishment, write our hearts out, empower ourselves, make our own choices and kick some ass. We can do better for ourselves, for our readers and for our viewers. But first we have got to stop suckling off the teat of a diseased cow and thinking success and art will be borne of that.

Can you write the next INCEPTION? Maybe. But Hollywood is going to do everything in its power to stop you from writing something truly creative. It is rumored that Nolan was allowed INCEPTION as a bribe so he’d stick around and direct the next BATMAN. God love him and lucky us, he won out both coming and going.

I’m taking the goldfish. Who’s with me?

Golden Age of Television Spec Winner Guest Blog

Hello, everybody!

First of all, for anyone living in LA, Hollywood or the general SoCal vicinity, please come to my Character Master Class, which I’ll be teaching in a conference room on the Lot on March 19 from 9am – 5pm. It’s going to be a blast!!

In other news, aside from hosting the Best & the Brightest cocktail party this Friday, for the winners of the Golden Age of Television AND the best writers I have worked with in LA over the past few years, I have invited every GAT winner to meet me for lunch on the Lot, so I can get to know each personally to see what I can do to help them along in their writing careers. The tie for first place in the spec category, Cynthia Furey, was my latest guest, and later wrote of her experience. With her permission, I’ll share her reflections here:

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It was somewhere between my first laugh with Julie and being serenaded by her one of her business partners, Michael, when I realized, holy hell, I had placed in The Golden Age of Television competition. The Italian partner was not yet in the office.

That day when Julie was to post the winners, I had stalked her blog incessantly from my cubicle. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Nothing. No e-mails, either. By the end of the workday, I had figured hey, you win some, you lose some; maybe next time kid. But later that evening, I received the e-mail that would launch a thousand Bieber-caliber squeals: I won. It would have been a golden moment had I not tripped over my dog while dancing, promptly faceplanting into my lime green shag rug. But a throbbing forehead couldn’t keep me down. I was stoked.

As a bonus, Julie and I planned to meet for lunch on The Lot, where she keeps an office. (Cue supplemental squeals.)

And this is when winning the competition really hit me. There I was, standing on The Lot in my lucky Nikes with a stomach full of warring butterflies, trying to hide a stain on a sweater from all of the flawlessly dressed hipsters that seemed to occupy every corner. My inner geeky fangirl went ballistic to find out that Frank Sinatra, Mary Pickford and their equally glamorous peers had graced these very grounds. Currently, “True Blood” calls this place home. And it was there that I understood how much I want to call a place like this home, too.

Over a breezy lunch, I envisioned myself as a sponge as Julie fired off gem after gem of advice (“it’s who you know!”), advice on future specs (“choose a show that’s a little newer than the one you wrote, so it’s not dead or dying”), and what I needed to do next to keep this momentum going (“Write. A lot.”). A friendly energy surrounds Julie that makes her seem like a long-lost friend—she’s candid, doesn’t mince words, and there’s an endless supply of topics to talk about with her. It was more of a prep talk than a pep talk—a positive kick in the ass to motivate me along this television writing path.

After lunch, Julie gave me a quick tour of some of the buildings on the lot, pointing out stages and offices of writers and production companies, and taking me to her own office. It was there I met Michael, one of her business partners, who treated me to an impromptu guitar serenade about spec writing. His lyrics echoed almost everything that Julie had said to me earlier, which distilled into those three words that we writers all need to heed: Write. A lot.

It was definitely inspiring to be there, amid such creative people who absolutely love what they do for a living. Thanks, Julie, for all you do for writers like me. And now, ladies and gents, it’s time to get to work.

Writing Great Dialogue

The ability to write great dialogue is a quality that will set you apart as a writer. Good dialogue writers are sought after and respected. The key to becoming better at it is to really perfect your listening skills and to get so far inside the head of your character that it seems as if their words are just coming through your fingers. I know that can sound strange, but most writers will tell you that they know and understand that strange experience. The more time you spend developing your characters, the more naturally they will speak in their own, unique voices.

Make it natural, make it specific to the character and don’t forget the silences in between that reveal so much.

Here are some things to think about:

If Your Characters Are New to One Another: What Are They Trying to Project?

People who have only just met try their very best to project a particular image of themselves as professional or casual, friendly or intimidating, goofy or intellectual, depending on the situation. Of course, in reality, we are all of these traits, right? Depending on our mood or the situation. We humans tend to wear specific masks in specific situations in order to get what we want. And we all want something, whether that means approval, money, love, respect or not to have to take out the garbage. And to get what we want, we might project confidence, sexiness, intellectualism, goofiness, edginess, etc. You know you do it. We all do it. And so do your characters.

Remember when you first met your in-laws? You were most likely trying to project an image of being friendly and respectful, right? In order to get their approval. Or how about when you first met the banker handling your mortgage? Truthful. Serious. Grown up. In order to get the loan. We all have an agenda and when we converse, we get to use our words to paint the picture of ourselves we want others to see. So do your characters.

If Your Characters Already Have a Relationship: What History Do They Share?

We all share a history and a dynamic with those we know, whether it’s ancient history or that of sitting next to one another at a screenwriting conference for two hours last month. Maybe you were a student at one of my classes. So we have a particular dynamic. Maybe I bought shoes from you last week. And that’s a different dynamic. Something happened before this moment. So we relate to one another in that context. And so do your characters.

Are you starting to see a pattern here with regard to dialogue? Characters ARE us. They have the same contextual relationships in their lives that we do. If you remember but one thing about writing great dialogue, remember this: a truly great character is only differentiated from a real, live human being because they exist as words on paper first.

A few questions to ask your characters in a scene:

• How long have you known the person you’re talking to?
• What do you want from the other person in this moment?*
• What “you” are you trying to project?
• How will that particular “you” help you get what you want?
• What is your mood in this moment?
• Where were you just before this scene?
• What do you have to do next?

*Remember, this can be anything from their car to their love, respect, permission, approval, jealousy or their diamond ring. Things, feelings or both.

The Just Effing Entertain Me Screenwriting Competition, 2011

Hello, everybody!

Our doors don’t officially open for submissions until March 1, but the Just Effing Entertain Me Screenwriting Competition is poised for take-off. The prizes (so far; more will be added), rules and judging procedures/guidelines are all live. The prizes are as fantastic as ever and I’m thinking the TBA A-list writer with whom the winner has lunch is going to be pretty awesome considering who we had last year, the inimitable Shane Black.

Some things are changing: Namely, our name.

• As you recall, I have directed the Silver Screenwriting Competition since 2008 but this year we are renaming and rebranding ourselves The Just Effing Screenwriting Competition in an effort to hew more closely to the ethos, brand and integrity of this blog and my upcoming book.
• We have added genre prizes. So we’ll have a grand prize winner and then three genre prizes: best horror/thriller, best sci-fi and best comedy.
• We are sharing our first round judging guidelines and the instructions for our judges so entrants can be crystal clear on how the procedure works in the first round. I am not aware of another competition that prints and shares judges’ instructions so I hope to raise the bar for everyone in terms of transparency.
• We have a new judging coordinator this year, and a new set of judges as well.

So with a few significant changes, the same spirit remains in the Just Effing Entertain Me Screenwriting Competition. Just effing entertain us and we’ll bring you to LA and introduce you to people who can make a difference in your career. It’s as simple as that.

Doors open March 1, final deadline is June 1. (Without a Box members get an extended final deadline of June 15).

Creative Screenwriting Expo 2011 Survey

Morning, kids!

Many of you may have received an email from Creative Screenwriting Expo today asking for your input on how to make the event a better, more fulfilling one for you. I have been to CS every year since 2003, in one form or another, and have made good friends and have had good experiences. In recent years, many have complained about various aspects of the event, so this is your chance to chime in and help bring this event back to the amazing level it has been and can be. If you’re interested in taking one of my workshops at the event, you may want to mention that in the survey. Yes, I am promoting myself baldly.

The dates for the event this year are September 15 through 18.

Anyway, the survey link is HERE. Check it out.

Valley Girl. Or Boy.

If you live in the Thousand Oaks/Westlake Village area and are interested in helping coordinate a weekend workshop later in January or February, please drop me a line at Julie@ justeffing.com and we shall discuss your awesome FREE tuition.

Happy New Year

Hello, everybody! There are some wild premise lines coming in; thanks for your submissions! The deadline is tomorrow, December 31 by MIDNIGHT Pacific Time so keep ‘em coming!

I’m excited about 2011. But then I am excited about most things most of the time. But no, 2010, was a terrible, terrible year for me. Started off wonderfully and then came to a screeching halt when I lost my brother in May. I’m determined to make 2011 a great year, to teach more, travel more and work on my book and a new idea I have for a thriller script. In fact, there’s so much going on that time management is going to be key.

I hereby resolve that I shall manage my time and not let my time manage me this year. How many of us get buried under a heap of email each day and find ourselves in an endless loop of emptying out an inbox that refills itself like Tribbles with new emails constantly? There is a cure for this which is to not check your emails every 15 seconds. I mean – minutes. Set aside email time, take care of bidness and move on to the work you need to be getting done. Like your writing. As mama used to say, that script ain’t gonna write isself! And that, guys, is an inarguable fact. It’s easy to talk about the script or book or story you want to write – easy and fun – I do it all the time – but actually writing it, that can be daunting. You have to set aside the time. And remember, for every person out there who did publish a book or write a script or SELL a script, there are 100 people who say they’ll do the same but aren’t actually getting the work done. The people who succeed in their writing endeavors are those who put in the time. Ain’t no free lunch.

I know I have spent a lot of time talking about my memoir, Israel: The Musical, but guys, I’ve written maybe 2,000 words. And it needs about 90,000 words. Hello. I motivated myself by working on a table of contents the other day, to give myself a sense of structure; that helped chip away at the feeling that it’s impossible. And sometimes that’s what we need, just some small movement to reassure ourselves that we CAN do this. I find that simply sitting down with your writing as your sole focus for even 15 minutes will usually yield some forward movement – even the tiniest thing – which then makes you FEEL like you’ve done something which makes you want to get that next 15-minute session which becomes addictive and snowballs as the writing begins to flow.

So who’s with me that this year is going to be a productive writing year? Who is with me that we can use this new year to keep moving toward our dreams and to be one of those writers who doesn’t just talk about writing but who WRITES?

I bought a lottery ticket the other day. I never do that. The pot was something like 200 million dollars. Everyone laughed at me and told me the odds are one to 200 million. But, I countered, if I hadn’t bought one, my odds would be zero to 200 million. Now, I am not endorsing buying lottery tickets and that may have been foolish but it follows that TALKING about writing gives you zero percent chance of getting that script repped, sold or produced. It gives you ZERO chance of writing that book or short story and winning recognition for it. It gives you ZERO chance of learning and growing as a writer.

So less talk, more writing!! I raise my glass to all of us writers in 2011 as we make goals and reach them. We’re all in it together, I’m right there with you guys. This blog is less about posting facts and advice (although I try to do that too) and more about providing a place for writers to find respite, a laugh or two, and the reassurance that you can do it – you CAN get your writing in, you CAN chase your dreams and you CAN express yourself joyfully and playfully while doing so. Writing is a habit worth cultivating.

I’ll be teaching a class at The Writers Store in January, and at the Writers Junction in Santa Monica as well. It might be really fun to do a teleclass in January, in which writers can call in and get advice, motivation and support from all of us Just Effers. I’ll think on that. Let me know if you’re interested.

Happy New Year, all, and remember, I’m right there with you, cheering you on as I cheer myself on too. I understand how easy it is to do a thousand other things besides write. Wouldn’t you yell at me if you found out I never made time to do it?? Okay, so that’s me nicely yelling at YOU.

Rockin’ New Year’s Eve Premise Line Competition

Hi everyone! I hope this (very) rainy season is finding everyone in cozy, reflective and creative spirits! I know I have promised myself I’d do a lot of writing during the holidays and have not q-u-i-t-e followed through on that. I’m working on my non-fiction book, a travel/memoir called Israel: The Musical. Well, “working” on it meaning thinking about it a lot. Arrrgh! Baby steps.

So I had a fun idea. We’ve had short scene competitions, we’ve had a haiku competition, we’ve had short essay competitions and now I thought I’d introduce a premise line competition. But of course, I’ll give you some key words to play with.

Now, let’s start by refreshing ourselves: A LOGLINE is a very (very) brief and generally unfun description of a movie like “A huge shark terrorizes a seaside town” which sums up JAWS but doesn’t give it any dramatic panache. A PREMISE LINE is a longer description, usually more for the writer’s use that might be anywhere from 25 words to 100 words and describes the first act (set-up) second act (meat of the story) and third act (resolution) along with the main character, antagonist and the crux of the conflict.

So we might have something more like:

When a huge great white shark terrorizes a seaside town, the new police chief must convince the townsfolk to go after it in order to save the summer season; then the town hires a professional shark hunter and three men go to sea to battle the ferocious shark until only one man is left: the police chief, who has a fear of water and must face the monster alone.

Eh, that was okay, but you get the point.

Okay so while Hollywood sleeps, here’s what we’re gonna do here on good ol’ Just Effing.

Guidelines:

Write a 100-word premise line (word count strictly enforced), of any genre, which includes:

*Main Character: A hippy
*Antagonist: An optometrist
*Key phrase: Italian restaurant

Stuff you can play with:

Gender of M.C. and antagonist, genre, world, main character’s flaw

Make sure you:

Show the main character’s arc of change, the main crux of conflict, the stakes and the exciting outcome (i.e., the main character must choose between this and THIS).

Use the key phrase somewhere (anywhere) in the premise line.

Deadline:

December 31, 2010.

Prizes:

We’ll break the winners down into categories since it’s nigh impossible to compare a hilarious comedy to a bone-chilling thriller.

Best comedy
Best thriller/horror
Best drama
Best sci-fi/fantasy
Best uncategorizable/Julie loved it

Winners in each category will receive a free phone consult with Yours Truly to discuss a logline you are working on, to brainstorm your way through something that is getting you stuck, new ideas or career decisions and strategy.

Now, we’ll see how many of youse can get motivated during the holidays; the winner(s) may not fall into every category, depending on how many entries we get. I want you to keep those writing juices flowing even during times when it feels like you have too much other stuff to do. It’s 100 words, guys, and it’ll light up your brain like a Lite Brite. Keep those writing synapses firing!

Enter by December 31, 11:59pm, 2010. Send to: Julie at Justeffing dot com. (ha ha spammers! You can’t fool Julie Gray 859 times, oh no, you can’t!)

Winners announced on January 7, 2011.

Episodic Writing

Has your script ever been called “episodic?” This is a subset of a narrative problem. If structure is the spine of your script, narrative is the muscles on that skeleton. Gross – but you know what I mean. Structure is the mast and narrative is the sails.

The narrative should be like a rollercoaster going up up up and then releasing into a thrilling ride with many twists and turns, gaining speed as it goes. Episodic means that your script is not like this. Instead, it feels like a series of episodes that don’t seem connected to a larger build – a rollercoaster with no thrills.

The cure for an episodic script first lies in reexamining your premise – full stop. In fact, I’ll go on record as saying that taking a bird’s eye view of your premise is the first thing to look at when any big problems arise in the script. Check and recheck the premise for the overarching conflict facing the main character. What’s at stake? Is it pretty huge, relative to the character and the character’s world? What’s your premise, and is it unique and entertaining?

Now think about your scene work. We know each scene needs a beginning, middle and end – setup, conflict, resolution – complication, resolution, new conflict – and so forth and so on, during each scene and for each sequence and each act. But there’s the thing: As you resolve something toward the end of one scene, that same resolution kicks something else into gear in the next. Scenes are causal – linking to one another, always causing something else to click into motion.

In poorly written, episodic scripts, characters move from one slugline to the next but what they are actually doing doesn’t build. It becomes like reading a diary of what someone did that day. I went to the gym. I took a shower. I drove to work. I had lunch. I went home. I had dinner.

As opposed to: I went to the gym and stubbed my toe. I took a shower and slipped because my foot was hurt. I drove to work and got in a fender bender. I had lunch at the insurance office. I went home. I hacked up my wife.

Compare this:
Esther does this
Then she does that
Fred meets her and they talk
Esther does this
Then that
Then this

With this:
Esther does this BUT
She stumbles into that AND
THEN she discovers this
WHICH leads her to overcome THIS
And eventually she learns THAT
EXCEPT she will have to sacrifice THIS

The emphasized words indicate turning points in the scene. Surprises, setbacks, reversals. Static scenes guarantee a static story. You only have about 100 pages, people, so light a fire under it. And don’t get accused of having a soft, episodic script – because that’s just another way of saying PASS.

Life is Short. Writing is Cool.

How do you write the introduction chapter to your book? The one the publisher is like tapping his fingers on his desk waiting for? Well, you open up a Word doc and you ramble. And then you feel embarrassed and you delete it. And then you try again and ramble some more. And you look at the clock and you wanna go home. And you read three scripts today and have two meetings tomorrow. But you gotta do it – you gotta write SOME kind of sweeping introduction about how you feel about Hollywood, writers and life.

I say again and again, to be a writer is to be brave, it is to reveal yourself wholly. That is a tenet I try to uphold on this blog, even when it hurts and even when it’s scary – whether it’s expressing my shock and grief about my brother’s suicide, or expressing my queasy fear and mild entertainment but mostly queasy fear about being stalked. I almost never mention the emails I get. Emails of appreciation, admiration, inspiration and love. Hilarious emails. Confessional emails. Supportive emails. For every one stalker, thousands of appreciative readers from all over the world email and bring me a smile just when I need it. Which is a lot these days.

Next month marks five years that I have been blogging. So much has transpired during that time and continues to. Thank you all for sticking around.

So without further ado, here’s a ramble I’ll probably either delete or edit the HELL out of before it goes in the book. Maybe you will find something within this ramble-a-thon that strikes a chord. If you find even one tiny thing that resonates, that makes it worth sharing.

Life is short. Writing is cool.

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Writing is meditative, it is spiritual, it is work, it is a commodity. But you can’t sell the commodity if it’s not fantastic. And it can’t be fantastic if you don’t know what you’re doing. And you can’t know what you’re doing if you don’t do the work. And you can’t do the work if you don’t take it seriously. But if you take it too seriously, it won’t be pure, playful and soulful. And that makes it fantastic. Slow, slow, quick quick slow. Up, down, left, left, write. Being a writer is friggin’ hard.

Writers need love and support from themselves, their family and friends. And they need to be brave. Because writers are a rare breed. We come up with ideas that are totally stupid and we come up with ideas that can change the way people think. And sometimes we cannot tell the difference. One person’s genius is another person’s joke. Writers talk about things that other people are afraid to. We put our souls into every keystroke and then we are judged.

Writers have to entertain ourselves but also be aware of the marketplace. We have to spend a lot of time alone but we need to network. We need to come up with original ideas when every story has already been told. We need to know writing is a lifestyle but we also have to get out of our heads frequently enough to have a story to tell. We have to understand and respect the industry we wish to work in but to also remain steadfastly INDIVIDUAL and not get suckered into writing for corporate meltdowns and their indecision.

We every one one of us have fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, kids, friends – a history and a tapestry in our day-to-day. Nothing is as important as this ride we are all on. Writing is frosting, it is fun. Writers make stuff up for the joy of it. And because we can. Because it entertains us to do so. It gives us catharsis and pleasure and release. We do it so that others may come with us on whatever journey we have concocted to reflect a bit of human truth.

A lot of terrible images and stereotypes have been branded into the minds of writers. That Hollywood is an exclusive club of power-hungry, egotistical jerks whose jobs it is to reject writers and run roughshod over our dreams. That writers are supplicant, and in some way a lower life form. Writers are the ephemeral moths that flit close to the light; we have a gift that is rare and must be cultivated. We do what only a tiny percentage of the population is capable of doing. We can spin 26 letters into epic wars, heartbreaking dilemmas or riotously funny tales. We can evoke emotion where there was none, we can reveal the contents of the human heart by revealing a bit of our own.

To be a writer is to be one of a very rare tribe that is valued in our society and definitely valued in Hollywood. If you can bring serious entertainment to the table. You can write forever at your favorite café, you can spend hours on message boards or writing in your journal but your writing won’t be paid for or read until you get it out there. But where is “out there,” exactly? Screenplays are where art meets commerce and you must really, truly understand that fact. Really and truly. If you want to write heartfelt and obtuse poems about your grandmother – there’s a place for that. If you want to write mysterious narratives about coming of age in a mortuary, there’s a place for that too – maybe that’s short fiction in a literary magazine. Hollywood is not for everyone. It’s a particular kind of beast. Complex, literary expression and musing is not generally rewarded. Because movies are not the medium for that.

Think about it: Movies are the most expensive, by far, medium for your words to play out into story. When a literary magazine publishes your short story it costs them $1.95 and you get paid with a free copy of the journal. But movies cost millions of dollars and the industry is plagued, right this minute, by rapidly shifting technology, economic collapse and FEAR. Does that make you feel slightly sick and like giving up? Then do it. Do it now. There are TONS of easier jobs, trust me.

Irving Thalberg once said: “The most important part in filmmaking is played by the writers. We must do everything in our power to keep them from finding out.”

I think it is we writers who have bought that line of baloney, a long time ago and that inferiority complex is what keeps us from expressing ourselves fearlessly, damn the torpedoes.

Hollywood is sweet and sour – ego and power alongside art and expression. Devastating rejection alongside thrilling accolades. Pressure, writer’s block, rude agents and inspiration, motivation and lovers of film who champion you and see a motion picture on the pages of your script.

Writing is body, mind and spirit. Attitude, common sense and heart. It is letting go and hanging on tight. It is doing the boring stuff like proofreading and formatting correctly and it is being willing to absolutely unveil the truth about yourself as a writer and therefore the human condition. It is being brave enough to look inside yourself – into the chasm – and to write about what you see.

If you can handle the contradictions, disappointments and constant up and down thrills of Hollywood, if you can handle both being kind to and hard on yourself, if you write for pleasure but also for the entertainment of others, you’re in the right place. If you feel entitled to being paid for your work, if you like to beat yourself up, if you’re the type who takes things real damn seriously, Hollywood is going to leave you bruised and disappointed. Life is short. Writing is cool.

If I could look back at my life so far and give myself three words of advice, I’d say this: Have More Fun.

Now get back to work.